Fifty for Faily Daily

It may not be official that Tiger fully apologized and is ready to forgive, from hanging around cougars and lionesses at the NYC clubs. It may not be official the Saints are 2010 Super Bowl Champions. But there is one beat we can all dance to. Sarah Palin is the most pinheaded, hypocritical, Osama Bin Laden, Britney Spears parenting, dishonest human being alien Faily Daily alive. Hello, and welcome to the Z Zone 50th Birthday’s Biggest Ever Palin Bashing. And I have support for everything that I just pomed her for. Pinhead: No comment. Hypocritical: She dissed Family Guy for the new episode about Chris dating Sarah/Bristol Palin’s down syndrome daughter. First of all, the down syndrome girl was the opposite gender as Trig(Palin’s son) different name(Ellen) and Seth MacFarlane(creator of Family Guy) generously gave this poor girl diagnosed with down syndrome a once-in-a-lifetime to guest star as Ellen, and even the actor of Ellen said Palin has a bad sense of humor. The Palins said the producers of Family Guy are “cold-hearted jerks”. Enough said. Osama Bin Laden: she said she can see Russia from her porch; how do we know she’s not planning a Soviet return with Vladimir Putin. Britney Spears parenting: The Z Zone, July 5, 2009. Dishonest: I have a natural instinct that she’s cheating on Todd and hitting on Joe the Plumber. In conclusion, Palin also moves into the number 1 spot for my most hated creature on Earth, partly because of her not committing suicide or at least going into rehab like Hitler and Tiger did. Top 25 Most Hated Z Z Poll: 1. Sarah Palin. 2. Adolf Hitler. 3. George W. Bush. 4. Conrad Murray. 5. Walt Disney. 6. Joseph Stalin. 7. Benito Mussolini. 8. Bobby McCray. 9. Ashlee Simpson. 10. Kesha. 11. Kris Jenner and the rest of the cast of Keeping up with the Kardashians. 12. Sean Taylor serial killer suspects. 13. Herbert Hoover. 14. Chas MacFarlane. 15. Bristol Palin. 16. Robin Soderling. 17. Matt Damon. 18. Justin Bieber. 19. Betty White. 20. Bill O’ Reilly. 21. Barney. 22. Ronald McDonald. 23. Kool-Aid guy 24. Bill Cosby. 25. Sanjay Gupta. Others receiving votes: Britney Spears 29, Lady Gaga 24, Katy Perry 24, Ben Affleck 22, Shaquille O’Neal 21, Shane Dawson 20, Owen Schmitt 17, Ellen DeGeneres 14, Rush Limbaugh 13, Rahm Emanuel 12, Justin Timberlake 12, Radio special effects 11, Julia Roberts 9, Gilbert Arenas 8, Party Crashers 7, O.J Mayo 5, Lane Kiffin 5, Elmo 3, Gerald Henderson 2, Andy Warhol, Brian McNamee 2, Sterling Knight 1. If you have no idea who these people are or want to know why I hate them please contact me or leave a comment below. I’m just saying Family Guy has taken a lot of hits, from the “You have AIDS” song to “Chinese NASCAR”, but this is the biggest punch. I mean a show hasn’t hat this much publicity since that fan of Spongebob drowned in the ocean in his unsuccessful attempt in locating Bikini Bottom, or when Barney cursed up a storm after spilling a McCafe on his pants in a McDonald’s drive through, or even when South Park dissed Kanye West with “gay fish”. Kudos to Stephen Colbert for nailing on the Colbert Report. I know some people want me to continue The Chronicles of Sorry Palin, but I think I’ll wing it to a different topic. In my opinion, it is either rehab or at least intervention for Sarah or social services/foster care for Trigg. And the down syndrome girl portrayer, who had down syndrome, thought they episode was FUNNY and thought SARAH PALIN has no sense of humor and her PARENTS told her to laugh and live a regular life and it wasn't intended to nail Trigg, who is very unlucky with her disease, but to nail SARAH PALIN. Note the unnecessary capatalization. For cryin' out loud, the actress shoud be governor of Alaska. But just to be a little generous, if Palin does go to rehab or intervention, I’ll give her another shot. Actually I won't because: 1. She's my archenemy. 2. Even the down syndrome actress nailed Palin. 3. She expressed her thoughts on Facebook. C'mon even Palin can do better than that. Or can she. I just wanna say the only one I'm tryna nail here is Sarah Palin. Not Trigg, not Bristol, Sarah Palin. I just wish I could do it as Stephen Colbert, who by the way is, big on speedskating. Check Appollo Ohno out tonight in Vancouver. A P.S: In this blog, nothing with AIDS or down syndrome were intended to be harmed. But I’m about to harm the feelings of many beings with this fail-a-thon. Yes, the 80s drama music was intended. Try not to laugh. Thank you. Kudos to the Down Syndrome actress.
It’s the Z Zone’s 50th birthday bash deluxe special extravaganza!!!!!! From Calvino Inman to talking owls, Brett Favre to Tom Hanks, John Lackey to Chris Tomlin, am I missing anyone?, the Z Zone has been on fire. The big 5-O. Stay tuned.

R.O.B (Rehab or bust)

Pants on the Ground

When you’re father gets an assistant, you’re not supposed to publicly deny he/she. Apparently Meghan McCain got the wrong idea. When she guest-hosted The View, she said Sarah Palin’s double standard Rush Limbaugh and Rahm Emanuel’s usage was what’s wrong in politics. When asked about a possible run from her father, she said she’d have a book about in August. Vince Carter, or Vinsanity as I like to call, busted out for a season-high 48 points with his new team, the defending Eastern Conference champs, the Orlando Magic. When he was with Toronto, who is currently playoff-bound, he had 51, and when he was with New Jersey, who is currently a doormat team, he had 51. He beat his previous season-high by 13 points, as the Magic rallied from 17 down to beat New Orleans, 123-117. In a flag-football match, Tom Arnold tackled Victoria’s Secret supermodel Marisa Miller and accidently pulled her pants down. Enough controversy for him from the Michael Strahan fight. But now this? You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s a racist German banker that’s got to go and there are some people who are writing how to prevent cancer and migraines. Elizabeth Warren dissed Wall Street, stating that “Its time for Wall Street’s CEOs to earn America’s trust back”. Howard Stern’s going to guest judge on American Idol. Previous judges such as Avril Lavigne, Joe Jonas, Neil Patrick Harris, Katy Perry, Kristin Chenoweth, Victoria Beckham and Mary J. Blige were on American Idol with Kara, Randy and Simon (not Ryan). Stern will join Ellen DeGeneres for the job. Sarah Silverman starts dating Family Guy writer Alec Semick. Huff Post comedy created a page that includes 7 sites you should be wasting your time on. Check it out in the Huffington Post comedy section.

Perhaps it wasn’t a tumor the size of Mike Tyson’s fist that caused Tom Arnold to tackle Miller and pull her shorts down. Perhaps it was a rapidly growing popular tune. PANTS ON THE GROUND! PANTS ON THE GROUND! LOOKIN’ LIKE A FOOL WIT’ YO PANTS ON THE GROUND! Yes, yes, yes. That is what we all remember from season 9 of American Idol’s audition. 62-year old general Larry Platt, a veteran, performed his song, Pants on the Ground in front of Kara DioGuardi, Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, Mary J. Blige, and Ryan Seacrest. Yes, we also remember Kenny Everett, Lamar Royal and Austin Paul being cockier than Julia Roberts, Ty Hemmerling as bikini boy, the dude with the 25 foster families, and much more. But the fact that he surpasses the age limit by 35 YEARS is too much. Pants on the ground.

My latest writings must have been a gold rush, because I am a 49er! Yay! San Fransico! Yukon! Jerry Rice! Joe Montana! Quatro Nueve! This my 49th blog. And my 10th of 2010. Stay tuned for tonight, when the Z-ZONE turns the big 5-0.

P.O.T.G (Pants on the Ground)

For the Record

Number 48. Now I know my dad feels. Just kidding. Walter Jones retires at age 36. And for some reason an Atlanta promoter is suggesting an all-whites basketball league. He says it will help kids focus on “fundamental basketball” rather than “street ball”. Just a reminder, we’re in the 21st century, Michael Richards. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (Brangelina is too cliché) are planning to sue a British tabloid that constantly writes that they’re planning to split in a case of to little, too late. Some of my viewers think I should return to putting hyperlinks on my blog, so I’ll start doing that. Last night’s Super Bowl surpassed the 1983 season finale of M*A*S*H thanks to a patron named Drew Brees that has lifted New Orleans from Katrina to a championship (although LSU won the BCS championship game in 2008 and in 2004 so this is nothing really special except that it’s in professional sports, and from 4 years ago from 3-13, he came, they reached the NFC title game for the first time, and he changed the fans from wearing paper bags on their heads to wearing hope) and an onside kick that was gutsier than John McCain’s running mate decision. The 2009 Super Bowl (Steelers 27,Cardinals 23, Larry Fitzgerald and Santonio Holmes) held the record previously. The Saints return to New Orleans, and there’s a party in Bourbon Street. And probably a lot Bourbon as Mardi gras came early in the Big Easy. Drew Brees was MVP, with a record-tying 32 completions (32-39, one was a spike). Kendra Wilkinson’s husband (Colts receiver Hank Baskett) and Kim Kardashian’s longtime boyfriend (Reggie Bush) battled it out on Sun Life Financial Field in Miami (are you happy now that I know your name!). Sarah Palin (or as we know her from my former blogs, Desperate Alaskan Spaz or Epic Failure) plans to run in 2012. Oh wait. I’m getting something. It’s seems that Armageddon will happen if someone chooses her for their running mate again. It was a close call last time. Thankfully she resigned.

BRB

Stafon is Crazy

Stafon Johnson, a 21-year old senior halfback out of University of Southern California just recovered from a mind-blowing injury. A few weeks after his game-winning touchdown run in an 18-15 victory over Ohio State at Columbus, he could’ve been facing a Malibu grave. On September 28 Johnson, the Trojans top rusher in 2008-09, was bench-pressing 275 pounds when the bar slipped from his hands, severing his larynx and displacing his vocal cord. A 7-hour operation saved his life (his voice still soft and raspy, will be corrected with further surgery). Stafon and another USC halfback, Joe McKnight will enter the April 2010 NFL draft. Johnson is currently ranked anywhere between the 13th-23rd best back available in the draft. “It’s been pedal to the metal the last few weeks said Johnson. “Now I need to show everyone I’m a football player, not a guy with a freak neck injury”.

Some thoughts on the Super Bowl: Similar to the 2010 BCS National Championship Game-In the final minutes of the game the Alabama Crimson Tide’s Mark Ingram scored 2 touchdowns to beat the Texas Longhorns 37-21; Tracy Porter picked of a Peyton Manning pass 74 yards to the end zone and Jeremy Shockey grabbed a 2-yard reception-Texas beat Nebraska on a jacked up field goal and didn’t deserve to get in; several horrible calls led the Saints to a 31-28 overtime victory, declared by the NFL-both winning coaches outcoached the other coach: Nick Saban over Mack Brown and Sean Payton over Jim Caldwell. Both had gutsy calls; Saban: a fake punt-pass and Payton: several fourth down decisions and an unnecessary onsides kick. Tracy Porter, alum of the Indiana Hoosiers, let Indiana down. I like the Hyundai Sonata and Lebron James-Dwight Howard commercials.

Y.A.S.L.S (You are so lucky Stafon)

Destiny?

It’s hard to believe this is it. The last writing of mine that includes any sort of football for another 6 ½ months. Drew Brees called is destiny. Destiny? Was it also destiny that Bobby McCray broke every bone in Brett Favre and Kurt Warner’s body? Was it destiny that Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis didn’t get any holding calls? Or maybe that the Saints D put so much cheap shots on Joseph Addai and Peyton Manning. Sure Pierre Garcon and Reggie Wayne were mostly butterfingers. Sure Sean Payton outcoached Jim Caldwell. But destiny? Here is my draft picks: 1.Ndakmong Suh 2.Eric Berry 3.Gerald McCoy 4. C.J Spiller 5. Sam Bradford 6. Anthony Davis. 7. Dez Bryant. 8. Joe Haden 9. Jason Pierre-Paul. 10. Russell Okung 11. Bryan Bulaga 12. Derrick Morgan 13. Brandon Graham 14. Taylor Mays. 15. Rolando McClain 16. Sergio Kindle. 17. Trent Williams. 18. Earl Thomas. 19. Carlos Dunlap. 20. Mike Iupati. 21. Kareem Jackson. 22. Brian Price. 23. Bruce Campbell. 24. Jahvid Best. 25. Dexter McCluster. 26. Jermaine Gresham. 27. Brandon Spikes 28. Kyle Wilson. 29. Dan Williams 30. Navarro Bowman. 31. Maurkice Pouncey. 32. Jared Odrick.

Down 4-1 in the Verizon Center late in the Penguins-Capitals, there was a blizzard outside. But the fans rocked the red, and Alex Ovechkin’s hat trick had the Caps storming back, tieing it up to go into overtime. Mike Knuble tipped in an Ovechkin shot, and Ovechkin beat Crosby in a who’s-the-best battle. The hottest team(14 straight wins) and best(41-12-6). Also Saturday, the No. 8. Georgetown Hoyas beat the 2. Villanova Wildcats, for their first loss since December to 17. Temple(who lost to unranked Richmond) for their worst loss in nearly a decade and most points allowed since 2004. The Wizards game was postponed. The UConn women team is abnormally trouncing every possible team, and has a 62-game winning streak. This rivalry week in college basketball. Stay tuned.

R.T.R(Rock the Red)

Point Forward

I figured “what the heck!” I might as well top them while I’m at it. Dwight Freeney is going to play in the big chalupa. Today we’ll find out if Peyton’s about pitching or sales pitching. We’ll find out if newly inducted to Cantons Jerry Rice and Emmit Smith have something to say about Greg Williams’ homicidal defense. And for my new college basketball players to watch, check out Devan Downey, who beat John Wall’s recently undefeated Wildcats and Dexter McCaney, who’s Illini topped 5. Sparty. Go Colts!

Enough from sports, time for media-rites. Al Franken nailed Comcast in court recently, and Tim Tebow’s mom and him are having a Catholic commercial today. A 16-year old Turkish girl was buried alive for talking to boys (Now I know how Amy Winehouse feels, that was gold and you know it). Someone made 20 anticancer rules. Mike Mitchell is Seth McFarlane’s apprentice. There’s a new Facebook layout. Sandra Bullock says she’s totally not winning Oscar (no duh). Henry Paulson says John McCain gave me anxious hours and nights. I know it’s 7 years old but I think the Dixie Chicks movie is self-racist. Jessica Alba is upset about a Chinese woman getting surgery to look like her (she’ll get over it). Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge split up. Keira Knightley is called a S*** actress and reacts to it (finally). Dear John ends Avatar’s 7-week streak at the top of the box office thanks to Channing Tatum’s rocky abs. Rob Lowe is a Colts fan (aw man). Jenifer Aniston is in Mexico. The Crazies and Robin Hood premier soon. Shawne Merriman and Warren Sapp get released from prison. Chad Ochocinco has fun in Miami. Derrick Rose dunks big-time in Atlanta. Tiger Woods gets reunited with his children. And in the most retarded, bull, communist, racist, sexist, impossible case ever, on Friday when students were encouraged to wear black and gold or Saint jerseys, a Louisiana high school student named Brandon Frost got sent home for wearing a Colts Joseph Addai jersey. I swear, they have some mental Confederates down there in Big Easy. For more info go to Huffington Post.com. The Colts are going to run this town tonight.

GO COLTS

What Fails you

To tie up the 3 greatest institutions in the beautiful landmass (Super Bowls, Presidents, Z Zones), I will have to write another blog. This is the 44th for everything. Peyton the Prodigy vs. Drew the Devil (don’t get me wrong, I like Drew Brees). Check out these patriotic blogs, Failblog and the America Bowl (epicalyspe fails and super bowl vs. presidents). Tonight, Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma and Colts wide receiver Pierre Garcon will be representing their homeland, Haiti. Pretty much a Faily daily for CBS as the deny a homosexual ad for the Super Bowl (ROFL) and as always, Sarah Palin as she defends Rush Limbaugh’s usage of ‘retard’ on Fox News Sunday. Also an Oprah audience member went into labor (what’s that about abortion, Obama) and NBC removed every episode of Conan O’Brien’s “Tonight Show” (yeah baby!). Candy Crowley ponders if her weight loss helped her get CNN’s State of the Union this year. Anne Hathaway and obviously Pink put on an undesirable show. And the “Jersey Shore” cast star on The View. If you ask me Whoopi Goldberg and Elizabeth Hassleback will probably get into a verbal catfight over the stimulus package by then but the 26 viewers who watch will see.

In the Wolfman, Bernico del Toro takes psychedelic drugs-I think. Leonardo DiCaprio stars in Shutter Island. Steve Carell and Tina Fey go for identity theft in Date Night. In Cop Out, Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan go back to the 70’s in a cinema similar to a non-disturbing Austin Powers movie. And last but not least Adam Sandler recruits Salma Hayek, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock and David Spade for his new movie, Grown Ups.

Dwight Freeney is likely to play, ready to put the kibosh on the Saints offense. To top it off, the Colts will win in a Brees.

D.E.F

Ain't no Saints

Before you settle down in your sofa and sit down and watch today’s big chalupa on you platinum hi-def TV, I have two things to say: 1. Don’t call the Super Bowl the big chalupa, because only I can say that. Try the giant fajita or the monster chimmi changa. And 2. Don’t root for the Saints because: 1. The NFL publicly stated the last play of regulation should’ve been a late hit on Brett Favre. 2. That would’ve set them up at the 15-yard line and then have the best kicker in the league, Ryan Longwell to drill a chipshot. 3. Because of the Saints perilous defensive play two of the best quarterbacks in the NFL ever are either retired or going to retire.4. No idea why they call them the Saints. They must be like Jesus’ evil twins or something like that. 5. The Saints should switch names with the Raiders or Buccaneers. 6. The only reason the Saints Devils have on a game so far is thanks to a variety of Mike Tyson-like blindside hits. 7. Bobby McCray is mental. 8. With all due respect to Drew Brees, the Colts will trounce the Saints and actually should’ve been undefeated. 9. Greg Williams publicly and immaturely stated that we’re going to have some “remember me hits” on Peyton. 10. That dude’s fatter than Britney Spears. 11. If they have one more Chevrolet commercial I will go insane.

My house has more snow than Alaska. It is packed.

Did you see the Grammys on Monday. Kings of Leon got some love, while their underdog Use Somebody beat out rotweilers like the Black-Eyed Peas' I gotta Feeling, Taylor Swift's You belong with me, Beyonce's Halo, and Lady Gaga's Poker Face for record of the year. Kesha, Justin Bieber, and Rihanna all got dissed, while Tik Tok, One Time and no songs for Rated R. Run this town, supprisingly didn't go anywhere, and Kanye West and Chris Brown could only watch. How about Katy Perry? She kissed a girl and she liked it. I'll go off on that home run.
W.A.R.S.L

BRB

One for the Aging

No matter what goes down in New Orleans today, Brett Favre has given a message stating no matter what you are you can still fulfill you dreams. Now let me break down how the Vikings can beat La Breesiana’s Saints. Even though it seems like someone put Red Bull in the holy water, the Saints are dependent on Darren Sharper, Will Smith and Jonathan Vilma. So Minnesota has to be sure to bust out Adrian Peterson, Sidney Rice, Percy Harvin and Visanthe Shiancioe. If not, bring in Bernard Berrian and Chester Taylor. New Orleans can bring in their running game anytime (Pierre Thomas, Reggie Bush, Mike Bell & Deuce McAllister) but sometime Ben Leber, Kevin Williams, Pat Williams, Jared Allen and Ray Edwards will sniff it out. Then Drew Brees will have to hit Jeremy Shockey, Marques Colston, Devery Henderson or a halfback. Chad Greenway and Cedric Griffin can’t cover that. Overall, I’m rooting and I’m going with the Vikings.

Heading north to South Bend, a hyped, young New York Jets team faces a veteran, Indianapolis Colts team. With rookie coach Rex Ryan and rookie QB Mark Sanchez on a hot streak and rookie coach Jim Caldwell and best QB in the nation Peyton Manning, it ought to be a grind-it-out. The stingy Jets D (Dwight Lowery, Lito Shepperd, Darrelle Revis, Kerry Rhodes, Jim Leonhard, Bart Scott, Calvin Pace) faces an unstoppable Colts O (Joseph Addai,s, Pierre Garcon, Dominic Rhodes, Dallas Clark, Reggie Wayne, Austin Collie, Anthony Gonzalez, Jeff Saturday). The Colts defense is also tenacious (Antoine Bethea, Dwight Freeney, Robert Mathis, Gary Brackett, Bob Sanders) and the Jets offense is prominent (Alan Faneca, Damien Woody, D’Brickshaw Ferguson, Shonn Greene, Leon Washington, Thomas Jones, Braylon Edwards, Dustin Keller, Jericho Cotchery). Did I mention that a demented coaching blunder by Caldwell is the only reason the Jets are recieving more attention than Paris Hilton? Although the ammunition in the Jets team is balanced and high, the Colts have more weapons in their arsenal. Sorry, Rex, but your chariot turns into a pumpkin now. Peyton vs. Brett in Miami.

Vikes!

Shooting Saints

It hurts. It’s the pain of Kurt Warner’s career being ended by terrorizing and molesting New Orleans Saints. Final picks: Indy over Baltimore, Dallas over Minnesota, New York Jets over San Diego, Indy over NYJ, Dallas over New Orleans, Indy over Dallas. So, awkwardness comes to its revolution in my life as I hit Summit Lake. For Outdoor Ed. With my classmates. Anyway, Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, Drew Brees, monster performance, bla, bla, bla. This blog series needs a tight name. I’ll give it Shooting Stars. Now that Tony Dungy lost all his market addiction for saying he’d like to coach the New York Giants, an 8-8, no-man’s land team that had been diagnosed with a virus of “too much, too early”. All I’m saying is Dungy now has less swagga than a Haitian Conan O’Brien fan (no offense intended toward the Haiti community, all offense intended toward Conan O’ Brien). I was going to nail Matthew Mcconaughey but I see that Katherine Heigl hired Adult Swim cartoons for that.

LOL

Part I

Before I begin this blog, I want you to know that this is long, extremely long. Which is why it has many parts. You may begin.

One week ago, I experienced the cinema of a lifetime, Avatar: 3-D. You know, all James Cameron does is give. He gives hope and inspiration. And if I don’t find out a way to thank him by the end of this blog, then I might as well…well I didn’t really plan the end of this one. Ooh, I know! I might as well go to the revival of Brokeback Mountain and then I’m like on a horse and then one of the horses is like “Hey, you knows since Heath Ledger’s dead, I’m going to just jump off this cliff, you know just for the hell of it” and then the other horse is like “Ha ha ha” and the other horse is like “Oh you wanna see?” and the other horse is like “Oh my Barbaro he’s gonna do it. Take me with you” and then they miraculously start swimming head over water and then “Ain’t’ no mountain high enough” spontaneously starts playing on the stereo and then they tragically yet hilariously drown. And then a nearby owl says “Whoa, somebody’s a little Ashley Tisdale” and then the other owl is like “That doesn’t even make sense” and the other owl is like “Yeah, I don’t really give a hoot” and then the other owls like “Well, somebody’s a little Liza Minnelli” and then the other owl’s like “I thought she got Parkinson’s” and the other owl’s like “No, her career is being torn up by Family Guy and South Park taunts” and the other owl’s like “Well, it’s just Denise. We broke up last night” and the other owl’s like I thought you were about to go to Hooters,” and the other owl’s like “Look Kevin, she can’t dump you on Hooters. It’s unorthodox,” and Kevin’s like “Not if it’s on the check” and the other owl’s like “Kevin, you disappoint me. You know that 34% of relationships end on the bill” and the other owl’s like “Oh Damien, you and your Essence magazines” and Damien’s like “You know Kevin, why don’t you just go hoot yourself. Okay. Why don’t you just get AIDS and burn in hoot” and Kevin’s like “1. You get HOOT before you get AIDS and 2. Maybe I will burn in hoot, cuz it’s better than hooting around with you” and Damien’s like “Hoot, hoot, hoot” and Kevin’s like “Shut the hoot up” and then they continuously keep on nailing each other until Open Season where both of them are shot by Dick Cheney. Moving on!

Christmas

Christmas is a great thing. To commemorate Chris Tomlin’s hard work with Malaysian airlines is just great. Say what? You didn’t hear? Yes sir, that’s the purpose of the holiday. Sit back; relax, as I kick the true facts of this holy day.

Okay so it was 1944. Hitler was dominating over the world and soon would top Napoleon Bonaparte quest to rule the world. The swastika was not burning in hell, like FDR said but it was all around. It was the evening of December 24, 1944. Hitler had Europe tied up like Family Ties, and he had planned to conquer Siam and Southeast Asia. One Malaysian orphan found out Hitler was coming and he warned the other children in the asylum. With all the money they had earned from cleaning the cellar and bathroom they scrapped enough money to have a plane come to the rescue. Yet they had not told the reason, and Malaysian airlines’ (MAS) policy was if there were no reason, you’d have to ride with a villain. Stalin was booked and Al Capone was recently shot, so Mr. Grinch had to go. Even the people who invited him were scarred to death of him, but he was in a good mood since it was perfect timing. But he took Chris Tomlin hostage. They airline people were frightened but since Chris Tomlin was taken hostage so they were grateful for that. As soon as the orphans took a glimpse of Hitler they knew there was no easy way out. “Ha! You vill die!” deviously spoke Adolf. Hitler took the orphans hostage and then took them to the middle of the plane and opened the door. “Do vou see vhat! Vhat is vhe Marianas Tvench, vhe deepest place in vhe vorld. And vou vill soon vie in vit”. To go into desperate measures, one of the orphans asked Tomlin to sing a yuletide carol. Thinking it would bring serenity to Hitler, Chris Tomlin belted out “Hark! The herald angels sing”. The first few notes were enough to get into Hitler’s cranium. His horrible singing made Hitler, who was standing right next to the door, faint, and fall into the Marians Trench. And although the orphans were deaf from that point on, it was a Chris_T-MAS miracle. Merry Chris_T-MAS.

Happy Holidays

T.Hanks a lot

I’ve skipped an acceptation of the Student of the month award, scoring the highest grade for the boys in my science class for the first quarter, birthday parties, the end of my soccer season, a new soccer season, Halloween, the discovering of Ardi, my time on the PA morning announcements, and the phony-bologna Barack Obama receiving the high & mighty Nobel Peace Prize. But I’m back just in time for holiday season and Thanksgiving. And I know that this is all about the Pilgrims coming from the Mayflower to the new world and having a feast with Squanto and Massasoit and the Wampanoag tribe, but I have a different conjecture.

You see I used to think Tom Hanks was a hobo and he was born on the fourth Thursday of November sometime in the ‘80s. I thought he was diagnosed with cancer, depression, cerebral palsy, etc, but he was too poor to afford a doctor so you technically couldn’t call him diagnosed. So he basically had a worse life than Anne Frank, but eventually some sympathy came around for him. Then nearing his birthday, many people started food drives, toy drives, clothing drives, etc. for him. So than people decided since his first initial and his last name spelled out Thanks and since everybody was giving stuff to him, they dubbed this time of year Thanksgiving. But then the people wanted THEIR own party, and since they wanted something different, they chose turkey, stuffing, cranberries, gravy, etc. Soon marveling at the ironic coincidence that a teenager pointed out to the New York Times, everybody now states what he or she is thankful for during this joyous day. The crummy part about it is I recently found out a different and more popular reason for Thanksgiving. And when I was watching Forrest Gump, Toy Story,and Big, I found out that Tom Hanks is a millionaire actor. Which is why I vetoed watching Angels & Demons, Philadelphia, Cast Away, Saving Private Ryan, Apollo 13, and the Da Vinci Code. I actually admired his work in Forrest Gump, but I just can’t...I just can’t take the humiliation anymore. Though it would probably have been a better children’s story than Charlie Brown and the Peanuts’ Happy Thanksgiving. I can still hear his mom say "Life is a box of chocolates". I guess I should’ve called it T.Hanks_giving. I’d rather watch Degrassi or one of those overrated TNT and Comedy Central shows than any of his films. You know why that channel’s called Comedy Central? I mean it sure isn’t comedy (except for South Park), and it’s not even located in the central part of the U.S.A! Reno 911 is located in Reno, South Park is in Denver, and I think Scrubs takes place in Southern California. I have a theory for the name too, but that’s another story…

To Indefinitely Be Continued

H.T (Happy Thanksgiving)

From 6-2 to Boo-You!

It was coming. Everybody knew it would happen soon. The Redskins have again thwarted fans and their mullah. In a city besieged by the stock market, polluted, and with thousands of people waiting until the Salvation Army bus comes for cold meals (You guessed it, Detroit), a slight sparkle of hope shined during today’s game. Or it could be horrifying football. Matthew Stafford was prolific, but it didn’t matter anyway. After a 19-game losing streak, the Detroit Lions somehow finally a team stupid enough to beat: ladies and gentleman, the Washington Redskins! Yay! And guess what; when Dan Snyder pointlessly bought Albert Haynesworth and Brian Orakpo and keep Clinton Portis, the trio all suck and get injured! Woo-hoo! But that’s not it folks; the Washington Wizards were the worst team last year, got the worst possible draft spot and suck, and D.C United is not a favorable team, the Nationals suck and are for the gazillionth time are the worst team in baseball. Count your prayers on the capitals, cuz so far it ain’t lookin’ pretty for District of Columbia. Have you realized that the Redskins were 6-2 at one point last season? My catchphrase is “From 6 and 2 to boo you!” I have some helpful notions. Since Hunter Smith and Chris Cooley are the only players with a touchdown, I think you should take advantage of Miami’s brilliant Wildcat scheme, and put Hunter Smith in for QB. Punt or run. If that doesn’t work out then I’d get a census and ask for volunteers for the Redskins. Is anybody living in this household? Any age will do! I would pay you, but Dan Snyder has already wasted billions and is too greedy to invest anymore. The Redskins will never be a favorable team for me. In fact, I’m more of a rugby person now. So if anybody asks me my favorite sport, I will say rugby. Even though I have no clue what it is.

More dissatisfaction in the sports world. The Yankees just clinched 1st place in the AL East division. The good news is that the Red Sox are definitely going to be a wild card. Boston is coming strong again for this Soxtober.
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Mythology is real! A mythological creature was found in Panama. And four teenagers killed it! It was believed to be an extra-terrestrial. Did I mention I'm having Greek Mythology next unit in Reading. Perfect timing.

This is a nail-biting topic: Iran is testing out missiles along with nuclear fears. Cuba and Iran could like, form a union. The second generation of the Soviets. Raul Castro and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could have a confidential meeting about having an immense bombing. But I’m sounding to Glenn Beck-y. My new word! But either way this is as frightening as Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 4-D.

A.H.I.L.I.DC (All Hope is lost in DC)

The Match

Boy do I have to do a lot of blogging to catch up on. Kanye West, Joe Wilson, Serena Williams, how I won class president, my mom’s first book being published, Kim Clijsters, Juan Del Potro, my upcoming soccer game against a rival team, where shall we start? Well Kanye totally dissed Taylor Swift and embarrassed Beyonce, Wilson and Serena dissed themselves. Del Potro and Clijsters were gracious against Federer and Wozniacki. But I’ve got some more blog fodder. During the Davis Cup semifinal, Czech Republic vs. Croatia, Ivo Karlovic trounced the record for most aces in a game, racking up 78 ACES! But Radek Stepanek stayed in the game, persevering those remarkable serves, and won. In a match that was 1 minute shy of 6 hours! The scores were 6-7, 7-6, 7-6, 6-7, and 16-14. In the other Croatia vs. Czech Republic match, Tomas Berdych defeated Marin Cilic 6-3, 6-3, 3-6, 4-6, 6-3, and the Czech Republic reached the Davis Cup final for the first time in 29 years. And Spain swept Israel in the other side of the bracket. Poor Israel. Let down on Rosh Hashanah. The Jewish New Year! Ouch. No really I just pulled my hamstring and sprained my heel at the exact same time. Ow, the pain! I’m going to get an ice pack and a heating pad.

Peoples, check out this college football game. Newbie coach Lane Kiffin/Lame Kiffin is rolling the dice today. He said Tennessee (his team) is going to beat Florida, and this is the game. It's really controversial. So check it out. In fact, check out the score right now on ESPN.com. Check it out, check it out. Pardon my check it outs. I just saw this Sonny with a chance episode, and it had this sketch called the check it out girls. Basically all they said was check it out. By the way, the reason I call Lane Kiffin Lane Kiffin/Lame Kiffin is because I don't know what he'd rather be called: a street or boring. Go Florida!

Hey guys, guess what? I made up some other awesome words. Whenever a person fails too much, like everyday, you call them a Faily Daily. And I just finished seeing West Side Story. It was really good, much better than To kill a mockingbird or every single Cinderella story there is. It wasn’t as cliché as I expected it to be, it was definitely a modern version of Romeo & Juliet. But it should’ve been called this awesome title I made up: West Side Worry. Oh yeah! The etymology maestro strikes again. And I found this one can of sweet corn kernels at Giant called Niblets. That’s radical. It’s a close race, but Faily Daily crosses the finish line first.

So anyway Kanye, Wilson, and Serena showed some bad behavior. Kanye used his right of free speech at the wrong time. Wilson is a fascist. And Serena has eternally messed up her life. She apologized, but still. At Flushing Meadows (the US Open) she was the one of the only American player without a major fan club. I’ve got to admit, I predicted Lady Gaga to win, with The Fame. Taylor’s Fearless was okay but Beyonce’s I am…Sasha Fierce was better. But Taylor’s only been around since early 2008. And Beyonce's been a billionaire for like 5 years. Let me check out if I’m forgetting something. Okay. I just listened to Halo and You belong with me. Kanye was telling the truth. Only 6-year old orphan girls with no friends and no life that live in a foster home on a struggling farm outside of Houston listen to this cliché boredom that will make you want to stuff your ears with the closest & smallest object around you, stay like that for the rest of your life and probably commit suicide! Beyonce’s songs: pure beauty. I’m not saying I’m going to attempt to give Taylor laryngitis or anything. Fine, she’s not that bad, I just wanted Beyonce to win. Beyonce rules! She even invited Taylor up in her acceptance speech. Beyonce rules!

BRB (Beyonce Rules Bye)

Feel Demoralized Inc.

The disaster of this year’s 9/11 didn’t strike until the wee hours of the day. The bleachers were wet and slippery. The fans were rowdy and energized. Yes, it was the Wootton Cluster night. Students from elementary schools such as Fallsmead, Dufief, Cold Spring, Lakewood, Stone Mill, Travillah, and middle schools like Cabin John and Robert Frost lined up for $1 admittance for all the students in the cluster, a bunch of more free stuff and popcorn for a buck. $2 per pizza slice too. But let’s cut to the chase. Thomas S. Wootton high was playing Gaithersburg high. Wooton started up to a quick 14-7 lead. Then the Trojans came back, scoring a touchdown. But the Wooton defense was relentless, blocking their extra point. It was like that for a while. They had to dry off the ball because then the best player on Wootton, QB Alex Kelly ran for 45 yards to the end zone, making it 21-13 with 2 minutes left. Then the fans were just chilling out, having ramen noodles and fruit by the foot until 50 seconds left! On 4th down, Gaithersburg QB Zach Fetters passed it in the end zone for a touchdown to Sean Combs, and went for two points to tie it up. Fetters scrambled and finally tossed it to Sylvester Oni, a fellow junior, for a controversial two points. So it went in to overtime, with a pitch-black sky and jerseys covered with mud. Kelly then hit Rashaan Morris in the end zone to put Wooton up 28-21. Gaithersburg tried some old plays, and it was suddenly fourth down again. Well Zach Fetters wasn’t about to give it all up. He handed it off to Kerry Cross, and Kerry trucked and rammed into the end zone. And the mere 30 fans on Gaithersburg’s side went wild. So what do you do, go for it or kick it. The usual method is better safe then sorry, and the Trojans started some drama when their offensive unit stayed on the field. The Wootton side was making as many distracting noises as you can imagine, and we were about to celebrate good times. As usual, Fetters scrambled, but this time it felt like an hour until he threw the ball. With the tight coverage, I could almost feel the confetti on my hair. But again Fetters hit Oni, and Oni barely held on to the ball and immediately the scoreboard lit up with the words Wootton: 28, Visitors: 29, Final. And immediately the junior varsity team, the lower strings, the benchwarmers, coach, assistant coach, coordinators and a photographer sprinted onto the field, with everyone except for the photographer mobbing Fetters, and the photographer was just trying to get photos of Fetters and his fan club, with hundreds of fans heartbroken. Alex Kelly heartbroken. The Woo-Tan clan is heartbroken. That’s how it is in the real world.

Will you believe this girl? Annie Le, a Pharmacology student at Yale was last seen at the Medicine house at Yale University, was to be married tomorrow. And now authorities are searching all over for her. Did she not want to be wed? Was she in a phase? Did she want to spice up her life by running away? Stay tuned on The Z Zone.

BRB

The Start Of Something New

The second week of school is almost over. Autumn has come. Time is changing and tonight is the NFL regular season opener. It will be Halloween in a flash. Anyway, since the NFL season is starting, and Tennessee is playing Pittsburgh, I’m extremely excited about it. I even wrote a concrete poem about football season in English class. You want to know why it’s so exhilarating. Well, the thrill of the game makes my pulse pound 10 beats, the powerful aroma of the nachos, chili, onion rings, ribs and chicken wings clears out the snot in my sinuses any time I have the sniffles. And it is the amount of amusement you get when you watch a movie like Caddyshack or a show like Malcolm in the middle. I’m rooting for Tennessee in this one because I want Vince Young to make a comeback. But Kerry Collins will still win the starting job. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Steelers. I just think this year will be groundhog year for them. So, time for some pigskin! All right, see ya.

Okay. You've might have already seen this but still, it's awesome. My friend actually made a new and improved version of it. Ladies and Gentleman, The Harry Potter Puppet Pals!

When the Xbox 360 came out, you thought that was the last of them right? Wrong. Apparently. They're making an Xbox 720. Technology keeps on elevating levels of awsomeness. The ipod shuffles now speak to you and the ipod nano chromatic is pretty good.

All right. Good evening class. Welcome to failures 101. Let’s start with this fail by Andy Lau. How about these America's funniest home videos fails. Or Fidel Castro's presidency. Ooh, time flies when your'e having fun. Class is dismissed. Oh and class, believe it or not, there's a bigger blog obsessed with failures. It's called FailBlog.org. Look it up.

W.A.R.S.L

Charging for a chamionship

Finally! The first chaotic week of school has finally came to a halt. Time for my picks for my favorite sport is here. NFL season is starting in six days. So these are my predictions for who’s going to win they’re pennant race, MVPs and the last team standing in Miami. Here it is:
NFC East AFC East
1. New York Giants 1. New England Patriots
2. Dallas Cowboys 2. New York Jets
3. Washington Redskins 3. Miami Dolphins
4. Philadelphia Eagles 4. Buffalo Bills

NFC South AFC West

1. New Orleans Saints 1. San Diego Chargers
2. Carolina Panthers 2. Denver Broncos
3. Atlanta Falcons 3. Kansas City Chiefs
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 4. Oakland Raiders
Playoff Predictions
1st round:
Minnesota over Dallas
NFC North Arizona over Washington
Tennessee over Denver
1. Minnesota Vikings New England over Baltimore
2. Chicago Bears 2nd round:
3. Green Bay Packers New Orleans over Minnesota
4. Detroit Lions New York over Arizona
San Diego over Tennessee
Pittsburgh over New England
Championships:
San Diego over Pittsburgh (barely)
New Orleans over New York
Super Bowl
San Diego over New Orleans
That’s right the Big Easy loses to the Big fish taco producing city. Sorry Drew and Reggie. Your chance was in ’07.

NFC West
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. San Francisco 49ers
3. St. Louis Rams
4. Seattle Seahawks

AFC North

1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cleveland Browns
4. Cincinnati Bengals
AFC South
1. Tennessee Titans
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
4. Houston Texans

You know how people say be kind to your elders. Well 5th graders and younger graders should be kind to they're elders. Meaning students of Robert Frost Middle School. Can you discern the quantity of bedlam from middle school to elementary school from getting class to class. Middle School annihilates elementary in that contest. I was late for 6th period four days consecutive. And I missed my bus today. But I guess I shouldn't complain, I hear high school's bus arrives at 6:30 AM. Excuse my randomness for putting this Aston-Martin Vantage on the title.
F.T.F.W.O.S.I.O (Finally the first week of

Tears of Blood

Hola. Finally finished the first day of middle school. Seven classes! Not including a homeroom. It’s bedlam getting from class to class. But Frost is really cool. Anyhow, I’ve got a lot of news to deliver. Starting with this poor Tennessee 15-year-old boy. Calvino Inman apparently cries bloody tears. Calvino says it happens at least three times a day. Sometimes it burns. His friends call him possessed. Doctors have done a cat scan, MRI and many other medical procedures, and he still has yet to be diagnosed. His friends say he’s been possessed. He’s gotten used to it. But why does blood come out from Calvino Inman’s eyes when he cries instead of salt? His mom says she will go anywhere for a diagnosis or/and cure. I predict that probably the eye glands are internally bleeding. But if one doctor can possibly help the Inmans, it will sure be a miracle. Stay tuned on the Z channel.

Check it out. In Indiana Saturday night, the Greenfield police thought they were in a car chase. But actually, the supposed drunk driver was a 9-year old boy. The lad evidently was mad at his parents for saying it was time to go to sleep and quit playing. I know that feeling but I don’t go ahead and drive off in my mom’s Chevrolet Aveo (None of my relatives have a Chevy, but I wouldn’t do that anyway). That boy apparently has ADD and depression. I’m really sad that my teachers gave me a ton of homework. But either way don’t go swerving from lane to lane in a vehicle at midnight.

Guess what? We just lost another Tedy from Massachusetts. That’s right folks. 36-year old Tedy Bruschi just retired for New England. The longest tenured player when he departed, Bruschi only played Pats football. Bill Belichek called him a perfect player. We’ll miss you Ted.

Hey guys! I’ve got a great idea! Let’s play Pacman. Okay. First he’s in Tennessee. Then he gets suspended for that you-know-what incident. Then he gets a contract with Dallas. And now…In the name of Adam “Pacman” Jones say what! He got signed with a CFL team. Dallas to Canada. Wow. This is awkward. Got to go.

Peace out

Last day

Ahhh! Do whatever you can do. The evil spirit of school is calling for us. And the flawless spirit of summer vacation says today will be it’s last day and it won’t come back until mid-June. The longest summer ever. From graduation to The Z Zone, Sportszone, Calleva adventure camp, Hawaii, birthday parties, Usain Bolt and yesterday’s birthday party for my uncle and dad (We had various cupcakes, tex-mex, onion rings, ribs, pork and ice cream cake. Better than my birthday party. Then again there was no theme.) Unfortunately this will be the end of our 75-day break. I totally thought we were going to the Outer Banks this summer, because before this summer every single summer of my life we went away to the Outer Banks for about 8 days. We did go away for Memorial Day weekend, though. And I guess next weekend (Labor day weekend) is sort of the end of summer. I don’t have a problem with Robert Frost middle school or anything. But summer is nirvana. Poor Andy Roddick. His birthday is today. And my dad and uncle’s birth certificates say that their birthday is today. But my grandma says that they were born August 31. So that’s why they end up having a birthday WEEKEND. But I try not to complain about that. And now I have 31 entries. Only 9 more hours to make today last.

So, the NFL regular season is coming up. Last night’s game was pretty epic. With San Diego playing at Atlanta, Matt Ryan completed 14/20 passes for 140 yards and 1 passing touchdown. And Philip Rivers and Billy Volek had a respectable night. To cut to the chase, Chris Redman and Charlie Whitehurst took over for QB, and Chris Redman passed for a touchdown with 9 seconds left. Drama.

C ya