Fifty for Faily Daily

It may not be official that Tiger fully apologized and is ready to forgive, from hanging around cougars and lionesses at the NYC clubs. It may not be official the Saints are 2010 Super Bowl Champions. But there is one beat we can all dance to. Sarah Palin is the most pinheaded, hypocritical, Osama Bin Laden, Britney Spears parenting, dishonest human being alien Faily Daily alive. Hello, and welcome to the Z Zone 50th Birthday’s Biggest Ever Palin Bashing. And I have support for everything that I just pomed her for. Pinhead: No comment. Hypocritical: She dissed Family Guy for the new episode about Chris dating Sarah/Bristol Palin’s down syndrome daughter. First of all, the down syndrome girl was the opposite gender as Trig(Palin’s son) different name(Ellen) and Seth MacFarlane(creator of Family Guy) generously gave this poor girl diagnosed with down syndrome a once-in-a-lifetime to guest star as Ellen, and even the actor of Ellen said Palin has a bad sense of humor. The Palins said the producers of Family Guy are “cold-hearted jerks”. Enough said. Osama Bin Laden: she said she can see Russia from her porch; how do we know she’s not planning a Soviet return with Vladimir Putin. Britney Spears parenting: The Z Zone, July 5, 2009. Dishonest: I have a natural instinct that she’s cheating on Todd and hitting on Joe the Plumber. In conclusion, Palin also moves into the number 1 spot for my most hated creature on Earth, partly because of her not committing suicide or at least going into rehab like Hitler and Tiger did. Top 25 Most Hated Z Z Poll: 1. Sarah Palin. 2. Adolf Hitler. 3. George W. Bush. 4. Conrad Murray. 5. Walt Disney. 6. Joseph Stalin. 7. Benito Mussolini. 8. Bobby McCray. 9. Ashlee Simpson. 10. Kesha. 11. Kris Jenner and the rest of the cast of Keeping up with the Kardashians. 12. Sean Taylor serial killer suspects. 13. Herbert Hoover. 14. Chas MacFarlane. 15. Bristol Palin. 16. Robin Soderling. 17. Matt Damon. 18. Justin Bieber. 19. Betty White. 20. Bill O’ Reilly. 21. Barney. 22. Ronald McDonald. 23. Kool-Aid guy 24. Bill Cosby. 25. Sanjay Gupta. Others receiving votes: Britney Spears 29, Lady Gaga 24, Katy Perry 24, Ben Affleck 22, Shaquille O’Neal 21, Shane Dawson 20, Owen Schmitt 17, Ellen DeGeneres 14, Rush Limbaugh 13, Rahm Emanuel 12, Justin Timberlake 12, Radio special effects 11, Julia Roberts 9, Gilbert Arenas 8, Party Crashers 7, O.J Mayo 5, Lane Kiffin 5, Elmo 3, Gerald Henderson 2, Andy Warhol, Brian McNamee 2, Sterling Knight 1. If you have no idea who these people are or want to know why I hate them please contact me or leave a comment below. I’m just saying Family Guy has taken a lot of hits, from the “You have AIDS” song to “Chinese NASCAR”, but this is the biggest punch. I mean a show hasn’t hat this much publicity since that fan of Spongebob drowned in the ocean in his unsuccessful attempt in locating Bikini Bottom, or when Barney cursed up a storm after spilling a McCafe on his pants in a McDonald’s drive through, or even when South Park dissed Kanye West with “gay fish”. Kudos to Stephen Colbert for nailing on the Colbert Report. I know some people want me to continue The Chronicles of Sorry Palin, but I think I’ll wing it to a different topic. In my opinion, it is either rehab or at least intervention for Sarah or social services/foster care for Trigg. And the down syndrome girl portrayer, who had down syndrome, thought they episode was FUNNY and thought SARAH PALIN has no sense of humor and her PARENTS told her to laugh and live a regular life and it wasn't intended to nail Trigg, who is very unlucky with her disease, but to nail SARAH PALIN. Note the unnecessary capatalization. For cryin' out loud, the actress shoud be governor of Alaska. But just to be a little generous, if Palin does go to rehab or intervention, I’ll give her another shot. Actually I won't because: 1. She's my archenemy. 2. Even the down syndrome actress nailed Palin. 3. She expressed her thoughts on Facebook. C'mon even Palin can do better than that. Or can she. I just wanna say the only one I'm tryna nail here is Sarah Palin. Not Trigg, not Bristol, Sarah Palin. I just wish I could do it as Stephen Colbert, who by the way is, big on speedskating. Check Appollo Ohno out tonight in Vancouver. A P.S: In this blog, nothing with AIDS or down syndrome were intended to be harmed. But I’m about to harm the feelings of many beings with this fail-a-thon. Yes, the 80s drama music was intended. Try not to laugh. Thank you. Kudos to the Down Syndrome actress.
It’s the Z Zone’s 50th birthday bash deluxe special extravaganza!!!!!! From Calvino Inman to talking owls, Brett Favre to Tom Hanks, John Lackey to Chris Tomlin, am I missing anyone?, the Z Zone has been on fire. The big 5-O. Stay tuned.

R.O.B (Rehab or bust)

Pants on the Ground

When you’re father gets an assistant, you’re not supposed to publicly deny he/she. Apparently Meghan McCain got the wrong idea. When she guest-hosted The View, she said Sarah Palin’s double standard Rush Limbaugh and Rahm Emanuel’s usage was what’s wrong in politics. When asked about a possible run from her father, she said she’d have a book about in August. Vince Carter, or Vinsanity as I like to call, busted out for a season-high 48 points with his new team, the defending Eastern Conference champs, the Orlando Magic. When he was with Toronto, who is currently playoff-bound, he had 51, and when he was with New Jersey, who is currently a doormat team, he had 51. He beat his previous season-high by 13 points, as the Magic rallied from 17 down to beat New Orleans, 123-117. In a flag-football match, Tom Arnold tackled Victoria’s Secret supermodel Marisa Miller and accidently pulled her pants down. Enough controversy for him from the Michael Strahan fight. But now this? You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s a racist German banker that’s got to go and there are some people who are writing how to prevent cancer and migraines. Elizabeth Warren dissed Wall Street, stating that “Its time for Wall Street’s CEOs to earn America’s trust back”. Howard Stern’s going to guest judge on American Idol. Previous judges such as Avril Lavigne, Joe Jonas, Neil Patrick Harris, Katy Perry, Kristin Chenoweth, Victoria Beckham and Mary J. Blige were on American Idol with Kara, Randy and Simon (not Ryan). Stern will join Ellen DeGeneres for the job. Sarah Silverman starts dating Family Guy writer Alec Semick. Huff Post comedy created a page that includes 7 sites you should be wasting your time on. Check it out in the Huffington Post comedy section.

Perhaps it wasn’t a tumor the size of Mike Tyson’s fist that caused Tom Arnold to tackle Miller and pull her shorts down. Perhaps it was a rapidly growing popular tune. PANTS ON THE GROUND! PANTS ON THE GROUND! LOOKIN’ LIKE A FOOL WIT’ YO PANTS ON THE GROUND! Yes, yes, yes. That is what we all remember from season 9 of American Idol’s audition. 62-year old general Larry Platt, a veteran, performed his song, Pants on the Ground in front of Kara DioGuardi, Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, Mary J. Blige, and Ryan Seacrest. Yes, we also remember Kenny Everett, Lamar Royal and Austin Paul being cockier than Julia Roberts, Ty Hemmerling as bikini boy, the dude with the 25 foster families, and much more. But the fact that he surpasses the age limit by 35 YEARS is too much. Pants on the ground.

My latest writings must have been a gold rush, because I am a 49er! Yay! San Fransico! Yukon! Jerry Rice! Joe Montana! Quatro Nueve! This my 49th blog. And my 10th of 2010. Stay tuned for tonight, when the Z-ZONE turns the big 5-0.

P.O.T.G (Pants on the Ground)

For the Record

Number 48. Now I know my dad feels. Just kidding. Walter Jones retires at age 36. And for some reason an Atlanta promoter is suggesting an all-whites basketball league. He says it will help kids focus on “fundamental basketball” rather than “street ball”. Just a reminder, we’re in the 21st century, Michael Richards. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (Brangelina is too cliché) are planning to sue a British tabloid that constantly writes that they’re planning to split in a case of to little, too late. Some of my viewers think I should return to putting hyperlinks on my blog, so I’ll start doing that. Last night’s Super Bowl surpassed the 1983 season finale of M*A*S*H thanks to a patron named Drew Brees that has lifted New Orleans from Katrina to a championship (although LSU won the BCS championship game in 2008 and in 2004 so this is nothing really special except that it’s in professional sports, and from 4 years ago from 3-13, he came, they reached the NFC title game for the first time, and he changed the fans from wearing paper bags on their heads to wearing hope) and an onside kick that was gutsier than John McCain’s running mate decision. The 2009 Super Bowl (Steelers 27,Cardinals 23, Larry Fitzgerald and Santonio Holmes) held the record previously. The Saints return to New Orleans, and there’s a party in Bourbon Street. And probably a lot Bourbon as Mardi gras came early in the Big Easy. Drew Brees was MVP, with a record-tying 32 completions (32-39, one was a spike). Kendra Wilkinson’s husband (Colts receiver Hank Baskett) and Kim Kardashian’s longtime boyfriend (Reggie Bush) battled it out on Sun Life Financial Field in Miami (are you happy now that I know your name!). Sarah Palin (or as we know her from my former blogs, Desperate Alaskan Spaz or Epic Failure) plans to run in 2012. Oh wait. I’m getting something. It’s seems that Armageddon will happen if someone chooses her for their running mate again. It was a close call last time. Thankfully she resigned.

BRB

Stafon is Crazy

Stafon Johnson, a 21-year old senior halfback out of University of Southern California just recovered from a mind-blowing injury. A few weeks after his game-winning touchdown run in an 18-15 victory over Ohio State at Columbus, he could’ve been facing a Malibu grave. On September 28 Johnson, the Trojans top rusher in 2008-09, was bench-pressing 275 pounds when the bar slipped from his hands, severing his larynx and displacing his vocal cord. A 7-hour operation saved his life (his voice still soft and raspy, will be corrected with further surgery). Stafon and another USC halfback, Joe McKnight will enter the April 2010 NFL draft. Johnson is currently ranked anywhere between the 13th-23rd best back available in the draft. “It’s been pedal to the metal the last few weeks said Johnson. “Now I need to show everyone I’m a football player, not a guy with a freak neck injury”.

Some thoughts on the Super Bowl: Similar to the 2010 BCS National Championship Game-In the final minutes of the game the Alabama Crimson Tide’s Mark Ingram scored 2 touchdowns to beat the Texas Longhorns 37-21; Tracy Porter picked of a Peyton Manning pass 74 yards to the end zone and Jeremy Shockey grabbed a 2-yard reception-Texas beat Nebraska on a jacked up field goal and didn’t deserve to get in; several horrible calls led the Saints to a 31-28 overtime victory, declared by the NFL-both winning coaches outcoached the other coach: Nick Saban over Mack Brown and Sean Payton over Jim Caldwell. Both had gutsy calls; Saban: a fake punt-pass and Payton: several fourth down decisions and an unnecessary onsides kick. Tracy Porter, alum of the Indiana Hoosiers, let Indiana down. I like the Hyundai Sonata and Lebron James-Dwight Howard commercials.

Y.A.S.L.S (You are so lucky Stafon)

Destiny?

It’s hard to believe this is it. The last writing of mine that includes any sort of football for another 6 ½ months. Drew Brees called is destiny. Destiny? Was it also destiny that Bobby McCray broke every bone in Brett Favre and Kurt Warner’s body? Was it destiny that Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis didn’t get any holding calls? Or maybe that the Saints D put so much cheap shots on Joseph Addai and Peyton Manning. Sure Pierre Garcon and Reggie Wayne were mostly butterfingers. Sure Sean Payton outcoached Jim Caldwell. But destiny? Here is my draft picks: 1.Ndakmong Suh 2.Eric Berry 3.Gerald McCoy 4. C.J Spiller 5. Sam Bradford 6. Anthony Davis. 7. Dez Bryant. 8. Joe Haden 9. Jason Pierre-Paul. 10. Russell Okung 11. Bryan Bulaga 12. Derrick Morgan 13. Brandon Graham 14. Taylor Mays. 15. Rolando McClain 16. Sergio Kindle. 17. Trent Williams. 18. Earl Thomas. 19. Carlos Dunlap. 20. Mike Iupati. 21. Kareem Jackson. 22. Brian Price. 23. Bruce Campbell. 24. Jahvid Best. 25. Dexter McCluster. 26. Jermaine Gresham. 27. Brandon Spikes 28. Kyle Wilson. 29. Dan Williams 30. Navarro Bowman. 31. Maurkice Pouncey. 32. Jared Odrick.

Down 4-1 in the Verizon Center late in the Penguins-Capitals, there was a blizzard outside. But the fans rocked the red, and Alex Ovechkin’s hat trick had the Caps storming back, tieing it up to go into overtime. Mike Knuble tipped in an Ovechkin shot, and Ovechkin beat Crosby in a who’s-the-best battle. The hottest team(14 straight wins) and best(41-12-6). Also Saturday, the No. 8. Georgetown Hoyas beat the 2. Villanova Wildcats, for their first loss since December to 17. Temple(who lost to unranked Richmond) for their worst loss in nearly a decade and most points allowed since 2004. The Wizards game was postponed. The UConn women team is abnormally trouncing every possible team, and has a 62-game winning streak. This rivalry week in college basketball. Stay tuned.

R.T.R(Rock the Red)

Point Forward

I figured “what the heck!” I might as well top them while I’m at it. Dwight Freeney is going to play in the big chalupa. Today we’ll find out if Peyton’s about pitching or sales pitching. We’ll find out if newly inducted to Cantons Jerry Rice and Emmit Smith have something to say about Greg Williams’ homicidal defense. And for my new college basketball players to watch, check out Devan Downey, who beat John Wall’s recently undefeated Wildcats and Dexter McCaney, who’s Illini topped 5. Sparty. Go Colts!

Enough from sports, time for media-rites. Al Franken nailed Comcast in court recently, and Tim Tebow’s mom and him are having a Catholic commercial today. A 16-year old Turkish girl was buried alive for talking to boys (Now I know how Amy Winehouse feels, that was gold and you know it). Someone made 20 anticancer rules. Mike Mitchell is Seth McFarlane’s apprentice. There’s a new Facebook layout. Sandra Bullock says she’s totally not winning Oscar (no duh). Henry Paulson says John McCain gave me anxious hours and nights. I know it’s 7 years old but I think the Dixie Chicks movie is self-racist. Jessica Alba is upset about a Chinese woman getting surgery to look like her (she’ll get over it). Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge split up. Keira Knightley is called a S*** actress and reacts to it (finally). Dear John ends Avatar’s 7-week streak at the top of the box office thanks to Channing Tatum’s rocky abs. Rob Lowe is a Colts fan (aw man). Jenifer Aniston is in Mexico. The Crazies and Robin Hood premier soon. Shawne Merriman and Warren Sapp get released from prison. Chad Ochocinco has fun in Miami. Derrick Rose dunks big-time in Atlanta. Tiger Woods gets reunited with his children. And in the most retarded, bull, communist, racist, sexist, impossible case ever, on Friday when students were encouraged to wear black and gold or Saint jerseys, a Louisiana high school student named Brandon Frost got sent home for wearing a Colts Joseph Addai jersey. I swear, they have some mental Confederates down there in Big Easy. For more info go to Huffington Post.com. The Colts are going to run this town tonight.

GO COLTS

What Fails you

To tie up the 3 greatest institutions in the beautiful landmass (Super Bowls, Presidents, Z Zones), I will have to write another blog. This is the 44th for everything. Peyton the Prodigy vs. Drew the Devil (don’t get me wrong, I like Drew Brees). Check out these patriotic blogs, Failblog and the America Bowl (epicalyspe fails and super bowl vs. presidents). Tonight, Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma and Colts wide receiver Pierre Garcon will be representing their homeland, Haiti. Pretty much a Faily daily for CBS as the deny a homosexual ad for the Super Bowl (ROFL) and as always, Sarah Palin as she defends Rush Limbaugh’s usage of ‘retard’ on Fox News Sunday. Also an Oprah audience member went into labor (what’s that about abortion, Obama) and NBC removed every episode of Conan O’Brien’s “Tonight Show” (yeah baby!). Candy Crowley ponders if her weight loss helped her get CNN’s State of the Union this year. Anne Hathaway and obviously Pink put on an undesirable show. And the “Jersey Shore” cast star on The View. If you ask me Whoopi Goldberg and Elizabeth Hassleback will probably get into a verbal catfight over the stimulus package by then but the 26 viewers who watch will see.

In the Wolfman, Bernico del Toro takes psychedelic drugs-I think. Leonardo DiCaprio stars in Shutter Island. Steve Carell and Tina Fey go for identity theft in Date Night. In Cop Out, Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan go back to the 70’s in a cinema similar to a non-disturbing Austin Powers movie. And last but not least Adam Sandler recruits Salma Hayek, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock and David Spade for his new movie, Grown Ups.

Dwight Freeney is likely to play, ready to put the kibosh on the Saints offense. To top it off, the Colts will win in a Brees.

D.E.F