Part I

Before I begin this blog, I want you to know that this is long, extremely long. Which is why it has many parts. You may begin.

One week ago, I experienced the cinema of a lifetime, Avatar: 3-D. You know, all James Cameron does is give. He gives hope and inspiration. And if I don’t find out a way to thank him by the end of this blog, then I might as well…well I didn’t really plan the end of this one. Ooh, I know! I might as well go to the revival of Brokeback Mountain and then I’m like on a horse and then one of the horses is like “Hey, you knows since Heath Ledger’s dead, I’m going to just jump off this cliff, you know just for the hell of it” and then the other horse is like “Ha ha ha” and the other horse is like “Oh you wanna see?” and the other horse is like “Oh my Barbaro he’s gonna do it. Take me with you” and then they miraculously start swimming head over water and then “Ain’t’ no mountain high enough” spontaneously starts playing on the stereo and then they tragically yet hilariously drown. And then a nearby owl says “Whoa, somebody’s a little Ashley Tisdale” and then the other owl is like “That doesn’t even make sense” and the other owl is like “Yeah, I don’t really give a hoot” and then the other owls like “Well, somebody’s a little Liza Minnelli” and then the other owl’s like “I thought she got Parkinson’s” and the other owl’s like “No, her career is being torn up by Family Guy and South Park taunts” and the other owl’s like “Well, it’s just Denise. We broke up last night” and the other owl’s like I thought you were about to go to Hooters,” and the other owl’s like “Look Kevin, she can’t dump you on Hooters. It’s unorthodox,” and Kevin’s like “Not if it’s on the check” and the other owl’s like “Kevin, you disappoint me. You know that 34% of relationships end on the bill” and the other owl’s like “Oh Damien, you and your Essence magazines” and Damien’s like “You know Kevin, why don’t you just go hoot yourself. Okay. Why don’t you just get AIDS and burn in hoot” and Kevin’s like “1. You get HOOT before you get AIDS and 2. Maybe I will burn in hoot, cuz it’s better than hooting around with you” and Damien’s like “Hoot, hoot, hoot” and Kevin’s like “Shut the hoot up” and then they continuously keep on nailing each other until Open Season where both of them are shot by Dick Cheney. Moving on!