The Z ZONE

Fifty for Faily Daily

2010-02-20T10:25:00.002-05:00

It may not be official that Tiger fully apologized and is ready to forgive, from hanging around cougars and lionesses at the NYC clubs. It may not be official the Saints are 2010 Super Bowl Champions. But there is one beat we can all dance to. Sarah Palin is the most pinheaded, hypocritical, Osama Bin Laden, Britney Spears parenting, dishonest human being alien Faily Daily alive. Hello, and welcome to the Z Zone 50th Birthday’s Biggest Ever Palin Bashing. And I have support for everything that I just pomed her for. Pinhead: No comment. Hypocritical: She dissed Family Guy for the new episode about Chris dating Sarah/Bristol Palin’s down syndrome daughter. First of all, the down syndrome girl was the opposite gender as Trig(Palin’s son) different name(Ellen) and Seth MacFarlane(creator of Family Guy) generously gave this poor girl diagnosed with down syndrome a once-in-a-lifetime to guest star as Ellen, and even the actor of Ellen said Palin has a bad sense of humor. The Palins said the producers of Family Guy are “cold-hearted jerks”. Enough said. Osama Bin Laden: she said she can see Russia from her porch; how do we know she’s not planning a Soviet return with Vladimir Putin. Britney Spears parenting: The Z Zone, July 5, 2009. Dishonest: I have a natural instinct that she’s cheating on Todd and hitting on Joe the Plumber. In conclusion, Palin also moves into the number 1 spot for my most hated creature on Earth, partly because of her not committing suicide or at least going into rehab like Hitler and Tiger did. Top 25 Most Hated Z Z Poll: 1. Sarah Palin. 2. Adolf Hitler. 3. George W. Bush. 4. Conrad Murray. 5. Walt Disney. 6. Joseph Stalin. 7. Benito Mussolini. 8. Bobby McCray. 9. Ashlee Simpson. 10. Kesha. 11. Kris Jenner and the rest of the cast of Keeping up with the Kardashians. 12. Sean Taylor serial killer suspects. 13. Herbert Hoover. 14. Chas MacFarlane. 15. Bristol Palin. 16. Robin Soderling. 17. Matt Damon. 18. Justin Bieber. 19. Betty White. 20. Bill O’ Reilly. 21. Barney. 22. Ronald McDonald. 23. Kool-Aid guy 24. Bill Cosby. 25. Sanjay Gupta. Others receiving votes: Britney Spears 29, Lady Gaga 24, Katy Perry 24, Ben Affleck 22, Shaquille O’Neal 21, Shane Dawson 20, Owen Schmitt 17, Ellen DeGeneres 14, Rush Limbaugh 13, Rahm Emanuel 12, Justin Timberlake 12, Radio special effects 11, Julia Roberts 9, Gilbert Arenas 8, Party Crashers 7, O.J Mayo 5, Lane Kiffin 5, Elmo 3, Gerald Henderson 2, Andy Warhol, Brian McNamee 2, Sterling Knight 1. If you have no idea who these people are or want to know why I hate them please contact me or leave a comment below. I’m just saying Family Guy has taken a lot of hits, from the “You have AIDS” song to “Chinese NASCAR”, but this is the biggest punch. I mean a show hasn’t hat this much publicity since that fan of Spongebob drowned in the ocean in his unsuccessful attempt in locating Bikini Bottom, or when Barney cursed up a storm after spilling a McCafe on his pants in a McDonald’s drive through, or even when South Park dissed Kanye West with “gay fish”. Kudos to Stephen Colbert for nailing on the Colbert Report. I know some people want me to continue The Chronicles of Sorry Palin, but I think I’ll wing it to a different topic. In my opinion, it is either rehab or at least intervention for Sarah or social services/foster care for Trigg. And the down syndrome girl portrayer, who had down syndrome, thought they episode was FUNNY and thought SARAH PALIN has no sense of humor and her PARENTS told her to laugh and live a regular life and it wasn't intended to nail Trigg, who is very unlucky with her disease, but to nail SARAH PALIN. Note the unnecessary capatalization. For cryin' out loud, the actress shoud be governor of Alaska. But just to be a little generous, if Palin does go to rehab or intervention, I’ll give her another shot. Actually I won't because: 1. She's my archenemy. 2. Even the down syndrome actress nailed Palin. 3. She expressed her thoughts on Facebook. C'mon even Palin can do better than that. Or can she. I just wanna say the only one I'm tryna nail here is Sarah Palin. Not Trigg, not Bristol, Sarah Palin. I just wish I could do it as Stephen Colbert, who by the way is, big on speedskating. Check Appollo Ohno out tonight in Vancouver. A P.S: In this blog, nothing with AIDS or down syndrome were intended to be harmed. But I’m about to harm the feelings of many beings with this fail-a-thon. Yes, the 80s drama music was intended. Try not to laugh. Thank you. Kudos to the Down Syndrome actress.
It’s the Z Zone’s 50th birthday bash deluxe special extravaganza!!!!!! From Calvino Inman to talking owls, Brett Favre to Tom Hanks, John Lackey to Chris Tomlin, am I missing anyone?, the Z Zone has been on fire. The big 5-O. Stay tuned.

R.O.B (Rehab or bust)

Pants on the Ground

2010-02-09T14:08:00.003-05:00

When you’re father gets an assistant, you’re not supposed to publicly deny he/she. Apparently Meghan McCain got the wrong idea. When she guest-hosted The View, she said Sarah Palin’s double standard Rush Limbaugh and Rahm Emanuel’s usage was what’s wrong in politics. When asked about a possible run from her father, she said she’d have a book about in August. Vince Carter, or Vinsanity as I like to call, busted out for a season-high 48 points with his new team, the defending Eastern Conference champs, the Orlando Magic. When he was with Toronto, who is currently playoff-bound, he had 51, and when he was with New Jersey, who is currently a doormat team, he had 51. He beat his previous season-high by 13 points, as the Magic rallied from 17 down to beat New Orleans, 123-117. In a flag-football match, Tom Arnold tackled Victoria’s Secret supermodel Marisa Miller and accidently pulled her pants down. Enough controversy for him from the Michael Strahan fight. But now this? You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s a racist German banker that’s got to go and there are some people who are writing how to prevent cancer and migraines. Elizabeth Warren dissed Wall Street, stating that “Its time for Wall Street’s CEOs to earn America’s trust back”. Howard Stern’s going to guest judge on American Idol. Previous judges such as Avril Lavigne, Joe Jonas, Neil Patrick Harris, Katy Perry, Kristin Chenoweth, Victoria Beckham and Mary J. Blige were on American Idol with Kara, Randy and Simon (not Ryan). Stern will join Ellen DeGeneres for the job. Sarah Silverman starts dating Family Guy writer Alec Semick. Huff Post comedy created a page that includes 7 sites you should be wasting your time on. Check it out in the Huffington Post comedy section.

Perhaps it wasn’t a tumor the size of Mike Tyson’s fist that caused Tom Arnold to tackle Miller and pull her shorts down. Perhaps it was a rapidly growing popular tune. PANTS ON THE GROUND! PANTS ON THE GROUND! LOOKIN’ LIKE A FOOL WIT’ YO PANTS ON THE GROUND! Yes, yes, yes. That is what we all remember from season 9 of American Idol’s audition. 62-year old general Larry Platt, a veteran, performed his song, Pants on the Ground in front of Kara DioGuardi, Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, Mary J. Blige, and Ryan Seacrest. Yes, we also remember Kenny Everett, Lamar Royal and Austin Paul being cockier than Julia Roberts, Ty Hemmerling as bikini boy, the dude with the 25 foster families, and much more. But the fact that he surpasses the age limit by 35 YEARS is too much. Pants on the ground.

My latest writings must have been a gold rush, because I am a 49er! Yay! San Fransico! Yukon! Jerry Rice! Joe Montana! Quatro Nueve! This my 49th blog. And my 10th of 2010. Stay tuned for tonight, when the Z-ZONE turns the big 5-0.

P.O.T.G (Pants on the Ground)

For the Record

2010-02-09T07:22:00.002-05:00

Number 48. Now I know my dad feels. Just kidding. Walter Jones retires at age 36. And for some reason an Atlanta promoter is suggesting an all-whites basketball league. He says it will help kids focus on “fundamental basketball” rather than “street ball”. Just a reminder, we’re in the 21st century, Michael Richards. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (Brangelina is too cliché) are planning to sue a British tabloid that constantly writes that they’re planning to split in a case of to little, too late. Some of my viewers think I should return to putting hyperlinks on my blog, so I’ll start doing that. Last night’s Super Bowl surpassed the 1983 season finale of M*A*S*H thanks to a patron named Drew Brees that has lifted New Orleans from Katrina to a championship (although LSU won the BCS championship game in 2008 and in 2004 so this is nothing really special except that it’s in professional sports, and from 4 years ago from 3-13, he came, they reached the NFC title game for the first time, and he changed the fans from wearing paper bags on their heads to wearing hope) and an onside kick that was gutsier than John McCain’s running mate decision. The 2009 Super Bowl (Steelers 27,Cardinals 23, Larry Fitzgerald and Santonio Holmes) held the record previously. The Saints return to New Orleans, and there’s a party in Bourbon Street. And probably a lot Bourbon as Mardi gras came early in the Big Easy. Drew Brees was MVP, with a record-tying 32 completions (32-39, one was a spike). Kendra Wilkinson’s husband (Colts receiver Hank Baskett) and Kim Kardashian’s longtime boyfriend (Reggie Bush) battled it out on Sun Life Financial Field in Miami (are you happy now that I know your name!). Sarah Palin (or as we know her from my former blogs, Desperate Alaskan Spaz or Epic Failure) plans to run in 2012. Oh wait. I’m getting something. It’s seems that Armageddon will happen if someone chooses her for their running mate again. It was a close call last time. Thankfully she resigned.

BRB

Stafon is Crazy

2010-02-08T17:23:00.001-05:00

Stafon Johnson, a 21-year old senior halfback out of University of Southern California just recovered from a mind-blowing injury. A few weeks after his game-winning touchdown run in an 18-15 victory over Ohio State at Columbus, he could’ve been facing a Malibu grave. On September 28 Johnson, the Trojans top rusher in 2008-09, was bench-pressing 275 pounds when the bar slipped from his hands, severing his larynx and displacing his vocal cord. A 7-hour operation saved his life (his voice still soft and raspy, will be corrected with further surgery). Stafon and another USC halfback, Joe McKnight will enter the April 2010 NFL draft. Johnson is currently ranked anywhere between the 13th-23rd best back available in the draft. “It’s been pedal to the metal the last few weeks said Johnson. “Now I need to show everyone I’m a football player, not a guy with a freak neck injury”.

Some thoughts on the Super Bowl: Similar to the 2010 BCS National Championship Game-In the final minutes of the game the Alabama Crimson Tide’s Mark Ingram scored 2 touchdowns to beat the Texas Longhorns 37-21; Tracy Porter picked of a Peyton Manning pass 74 yards to the end zone and Jeremy Shockey grabbed a 2-yard reception-Texas beat Nebraska on a jacked up field goal and didn’t deserve to get in; several horrible calls led the Saints to a 31-28 overtime victory, declared by the NFL-both winning coaches outcoached the other coach: Nick Saban over Mack Brown and Sean Payton over Jim Caldwell. Both had gutsy calls; Saban: a fake punt-pass and Payton: several fourth down decisions and an unnecessary onsides kick. Tracy Porter, alum of the Indiana Hoosiers, let Indiana down. I like the Hyundai Sonata and Lebron James-Dwight Howard commercials.

Y.A.S.L.S (You are so lucky Stafon)

Destiny?

2010-02-08T11:48:00.004-05:00

It’s hard to believe this is it. The last writing of mine that includes any sort of football for another 6 ½ months. Drew Brees called is destiny. Destiny? Was it also destiny that Bobby McCray broke every bone in Brett Favre and Kurt Warner’s body? Was it destiny that Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis didn’t get any holding calls? Or maybe that the Saints D put so much cheap shots on Joseph Addai and Peyton Manning. Sure Pierre Garcon and Reggie Wayne were mostly butterfingers. Sure Sean Payton outcoached Jim Caldwell. But destiny? Here is my draft picks: 1.Ndakmong Suh 2.Eric Berry 3.Gerald McCoy 4. C.J Spiller 5. Sam Bradford 6. Anthony Davis. 7. Dez Bryant. 8. Joe Haden 9. Jason Pierre-Paul. 10. Russell Okung 11. Bryan Bulaga 12. Derrick Morgan 13. Brandon Graham 14. Taylor Mays. 15. Rolando McClain 16. Sergio Kindle. 17. Trent Williams. 18. Earl Thomas. 19. Carlos Dunlap. 20. Mike Iupati. 21. Kareem Jackson. 22. Brian Price. 23. Bruce Campbell. 24. Jahvid Best. 25. Dexter McCluster. 26. Jermaine Gresham. 27. Brandon Spikes 28. Kyle Wilson. 29. Dan Williams 30. Navarro Bowman. 31. Maurkice Pouncey. 32. Jared Odrick.

Down 4-1 in the Verizon Center late in the Penguins-Capitals, there was a blizzard outside. But the fans rocked the red, and Alex Ovechkin’s hat trick had the Caps storming back, tieing it up to go into overtime. Mike Knuble tipped in an Ovechkin shot, and Ovechkin beat Crosby in a who’s-the-best battle. The hottest team(14 straight wins) and best(41-12-6). Also Saturday, the No. 8. Georgetown Hoyas beat the 2. Villanova Wildcats, for their first loss since December to 17. Temple(who lost to unranked Richmond) for their worst loss in nearly a decade and most points allowed since 2004. The Wizards game was postponed. The UConn women team is abnormally trouncing every possible team, and has a 62-game winning streak. This rivalry week in college basketball. Stay tuned.

R.T.R(Rock the Red)

Point Forward

2010-02-07T18:06:00.002-05:00

I figured “what the heck!” I might as well top them while I’m at it. Dwight Freeney is going to play in the big chalupa. Today we’ll find out if Peyton’s about pitching or sales pitching. We’ll find out if newly inducted to Cantons Jerry Rice and Emmit Smith have something to say about Greg Williams’ homicidal defense. And for my new college basketball players to watch, check out Devan Downey, who beat John Wall’s recently undefeated Wildcats and Dexter McCaney, who’s Illini topped 5. Sparty. Go Colts!

Enough from sports, time for media-rites. Al Franken nailed Comcast in court recently, and Tim Tebow’s mom and him are having a Catholic commercial today. A 16-year old Turkish girl was buried alive for talking to boys (Now I know how Amy Winehouse feels, that was gold and you know it). Someone made 20 anticancer rules. Mike Mitchell is Seth McFarlane’s apprentice. There’s a new Facebook layout. Sandra Bullock says she’s totally not winning Oscar (no duh). Henry Paulson says John McCain gave me anxious hours and nights. I know it’s 7 years old but I think the Dixie Chicks movie is self-racist. Jessica Alba is upset about a Chinese woman getting surgery to look like her (she’ll get over it). Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge split up. Keira Knightley is called a S*** actress and reacts to it (finally). Dear John ends Avatar’s 7-week streak at the top of the box office thanks to Channing Tatum’s rocky abs. Rob Lowe is a Colts fan (aw man). Jenifer Aniston is in Mexico. The Crazies and Robin Hood premier soon. Shawne Merriman and Warren Sapp get released from prison. Chad Ochocinco has fun in Miami. Derrick Rose dunks big-time in Atlanta. Tiger Woods gets reunited with his children. And in the most retarded, bull, communist, racist, sexist, impossible case ever, on Friday when students were encouraged to wear black and gold or Saint jerseys, a Louisiana high school student named Brandon Frost got sent home for wearing a Colts Joseph Addai jersey. I swear, they have some mental Confederates down there in Big Easy. For more info go to Huffington Post.com. The Colts are going to run this town tonight.

GO COLTS

What Fails you

2010-02-07T16:59:00.002-05:00

To tie up the 3 greatest institutions in the beautiful landmass (Super Bowls, Presidents, Z Zones), I will have to write another blog. This is the 44th for everything. Peyton the Prodigy vs. Drew the Devil (don’t get me wrong, I like Drew Brees). Check out these patriotic blogs, Failblog and the America Bowl (epicalyspe fails and super bowl vs. presidents). Tonight, Saints linebacker Jonathan Vilma and Colts wide receiver Pierre Garcon will be representing their homeland, Haiti. Pretty much a Faily daily for CBS as the deny a homosexual ad for the Super Bowl (ROFL) and as always, Sarah Palin as she defends Rush Limbaugh’s usage of ‘retard’ on Fox News Sunday. Also an Oprah audience member went into labor (what’s that about abortion, Obama) and NBC removed every episode of Conan O’Brien’s “Tonight Show” (yeah baby!). Candy Crowley ponders if her weight loss helped her get CNN’s State of the Union this year. Anne Hathaway and obviously Pink put on an undesirable show. And the “Jersey Shore” cast star on The View. If you ask me Whoopi Goldberg and Elizabeth Hassleback will probably get into a verbal catfight over the stimulus package by then but the 26 viewers who watch will see.

In the Wolfman, Bernico del Toro takes psychedelic drugs-I think. Leonardo DiCaprio stars in Shutter Island. Steve Carell and Tina Fey go for identity theft in Date Night. In Cop Out, Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan go back to the 70’s in a cinema similar to a non-disturbing Austin Powers movie. And last but not least Adam Sandler recruits Salma Hayek, Kevin James, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock and David Spade for his new movie, Grown Ups.

Dwight Freeney is likely to play, ready to put the kibosh on the Saints offense. To top it off, the Colts will win in a Brees.

D.E.F

Ain't no Saints

2010-02-07T09:06:00.003-05:00

Before you settle down in your sofa and sit down and watch today’s big chalupa on you platinum hi-def TV, I have two things to say: 1. Don’t call the Super Bowl the big chalupa, because only I can say that. Try the giant fajita or the monster chimmi changa. And 2. Don’t root for the Saints because: 1. The NFL publicly stated the last play of regulation should’ve been a late hit on Brett Favre. 2. That would’ve set them up at the 15-yard line and then have the best kicker in the league, Ryan Longwell to drill a chipshot. 3. Because of the Saints perilous defensive play two of the best quarterbacks in the NFL ever are either retired or going to retire.4. No idea why they call them the Saints. They must be like Jesus’ evil twins or something like that. 5. The Saints should switch names with the Raiders or Buccaneers. 6. The only reason the Saints Devils have on a game so far is thanks to a variety of Mike Tyson-like blindside hits. 7. Bobby McCray is mental. 8. With all due respect to Drew Brees, the Colts will trounce the Saints and actually should’ve been undefeated. 9. Greg Williams publicly and immaturely stated that we’re going to have some “remember me hits” on Peyton. 10. That dude’s fatter than Britney Spears. 11. If they have one more Chevrolet commercial I will go insane.

My house has more snow than Alaska. It is packed.

Did you see the Grammys on Monday. Kings of Leon got some love, while their underdog Use Somebody beat out rotweilers like the Black-Eyed Peas' I gotta Feeling, Taylor Swift's You belong with me, Beyonce's Halo, and Lady Gaga's Poker Face for record of the year. Kesha, Justin Bieber, and Rihanna all got dissed, while Tik Tok, One Time and no songs for Rated R. Run this town, supprisingly didn't go anywhere, and Kanye West and Chris Brown could only watch. How about Katy Perry? She kissed a girl and she liked it. I'll go off on that home run.
W.A.R.S.L

BRB

One for the Aging

2010-01-24T13:35:00.011-05:00

No matter what goes down in New Orleans today, Brett Favre has given a message stating no matter what you are you can still fulfill you dreams. Now let me break down how the Vikings can beat La Breesiana’s Saints. Even though it seems like someone put Red Bull in the holy water, the Saints are dependent on Darren Sharper, Will Smith and Jonathan Vilma. So Minnesota has to be sure to bust out Adrian Peterson, Sidney Rice, Percy Harvin and Visanthe Shiancioe. If not, bring in Bernard Berrian and Chester Taylor. New Orleans can bring in their running game anytime (Pierre Thomas, Reggie Bush, Mike Bell & Deuce McAllister) but sometime Ben Leber, Kevin Williams, Pat Williams, Jared Allen and Ray Edwards will sniff it out. Then Drew Brees will have to hit Jeremy Shockey, Marques Colston, Devery Henderson or a halfback. Chad Greenway and Cedric Griffin can’t cover that. Overall, I’m rooting and I’m going with the Vikings.

Heading north to South Bend, a hyped, young New York Jets team faces a veteran, Indianapolis Colts team. With rookie coach Rex Ryan and rookie QB Mark Sanchez on a hot streak and rookie coach Jim Caldwell and best QB in the nation Peyton Manning, it ought to be a grind-it-out. The stingy Jets D (Dwight Lowery, Lito Shepperd, Darrelle Revis, Kerry Rhodes, Jim Leonhard, Bart Scott, Calvin Pace) faces an unstoppable Colts O (Joseph Addai,s, Pierre Garcon, Dominic Rhodes, Dallas Clark, Reggie Wayne, Austin Collie, Anthony Gonzalez, Jeff Saturday). The Colts defense is also tenacious (Antoine Bethea, Dwight Freeney, Robert Mathis, Gary Brackett, Bob Sanders) and the Jets offense is prominent (Alan Faneca, Damien Woody, D’Brickshaw Ferguson, Shonn Greene, Leon Washington, Thomas Jones, Braylon Edwards, Dustin Keller, Jericho Cotchery). Did I mention that a demented coaching blunder by Caldwell is the only reason the Jets are recieving more attention than Paris Hilton? Although the ammunition in the Jets team is balanced and high, the Colts have more weapons in their arsenal. Sorry, Rex, but your chariot turns into a pumpkin now. Peyton vs. Brett in Miami.

Vikes!

Shooting Saints

2010-01-16T20:08:00.002-05:00

It hurts. It’s the pain of Kurt Warner’s career being ended by terrorizing and molesting New Orleans Saints. Final picks: Indy over Baltimore, Dallas over Minnesota, New York Jets over San Diego, Indy over NYJ, Dallas over New Orleans, Indy over Dallas. So, awkwardness comes to its revolution in my life as I hit Summit Lake. For Outdoor Ed. With my classmates. Anyway, Reggie Bush, Marques Colston, Drew Brees, monster performance, bla, bla, bla. This blog series needs a tight name. I’ll give it Shooting Stars. Now that Tony Dungy lost all his market addiction for saying he’d like to coach the New York Giants, an 8-8, no-man’s land team that had been diagnosed with a virus of “too much, too early”. All I’m saying is Dungy now has less swagga than a Haitian Conan O’Brien fan (no offense intended toward the Haiti community, all offense intended toward Conan O’ Brien). I was going to nail Matthew Mcconaughey but I see that Katherine Heigl hired Adult Swim cartoons for that.

LOL

Part I

2010-01-15T22:48:00.003-05:00

Before I begin this blog, I want you to know that this is long, extremely long. Which is why it has many parts. You may begin.

One week ago, I experienced the cinema of a lifetime, Avatar: 3-D. You know, all James Cameron does is give. He gives hope and inspiration. And if I don’t find out a way to thank him by the end of this blog, then I might as well…well I didn’t really plan the end of this one. Ooh, I know! I might as well go to the revival of Brokeback Mountain and then I’m like on a horse and then one of the horses is like “Hey, you knows since Heath Ledger’s dead, I’m going to just jump off this cliff, you know just for the hell of it” and then the other horse is like “Ha ha ha” and the other horse is like “Oh you wanna see?” and the other horse is like “Oh my Barbaro he’s gonna do it. Take me with you” and then they miraculously start swimming head over water and then “Ain’t’ no mountain high enough” spontaneously starts playing on the stereo and then they tragically yet hilariously drown. And then a nearby owl says “Whoa, somebody’s a little Ashley Tisdale” and then the other owl is like “That doesn’t even make sense” and the other owl is like “Yeah, I don’t really give a hoot” and then the other owls like “Well, somebody’s a little Liza Minnelli” and then the other owl’s like “I thought she got Parkinson’s” and the other owl’s like “No, her career is being torn up by Family Guy and South Park taunts” and the other owl’s like “Well, it’s just Denise. We broke up last night” and the other owl’s like I thought you were about to go to Hooters,” and the other owl’s like “Look Kevin, she can’t dump you on Hooters. It’s unorthodox,” and Kevin’s like “Not if it’s on the check” and the other owl’s like “Kevin, you disappoint me. You know that 34% of relationships end on the bill” and the other owl’s like “Oh Damien, you and your Essence magazines” and Damien’s like “You know Kevin, why don’t you just go hoot yourself. Okay. Why don’t you just get AIDS and burn in hoot” and Kevin’s like “1. You get HOOT before you get AIDS and 2. Maybe I will burn in hoot, cuz it’s better than hooting around with you” and Damien’s like “Hoot, hoot, hoot” and Kevin’s like “Shut the hoot up” and then they continuously keep on nailing each other until Open Season where both of them are shot by Dick Cheney. Moving on!

Christmas

2009-12-24T13:22:00.002-05:00

Christmas is a great thing. To commemorate Chris Tomlin’s hard work with Malaysian airlines is just great. Say what? You didn’t hear? Yes sir, that’s the purpose of the holiday. Sit back; relax, as I kick the true facts of this holy day.

Okay so it was 1944. Hitler was dominating over the world and soon would top Napoleon Bonaparte quest to rule the world. The swastika was not burning in hell, like FDR said but it was all around. It was the evening of December 24, 1944. Hitler had Europe tied up like Family Ties, and he had planned to conquer Siam and Southeast Asia. One Malaysian orphan found out Hitler was coming and he warned the other children in the asylum. With all the money they had earned from cleaning the cellar and bathroom they scrapped enough money to have a plane come to the rescue. Yet they had not told the reason, and Malaysian airlines’ (MAS) policy was if there were no reason, you’d have to ride with a villain. Stalin was booked and Al Capone was recently shot, so Mr. Grinch had to go. Even the people who invited him were scarred to death of him, but he was in a good mood since it was perfect timing. But he took Chris Tomlin hostage. They airline people were frightened but since Chris Tomlin was taken hostage so they were grateful for that. As soon as the orphans took a glimpse of Hitler they knew there was no easy way out. “Ha! You vill die!” deviously spoke Adolf. Hitler took the orphans hostage and then took them to the middle of the plane and opened the door. “Do vou see vhat! Vhat is vhe Marianas Tvench, vhe deepest place in vhe vorld. And vou vill soon vie in vit”. To go into desperate measures, one of the orphans asked Tomlin to sing a yuletide carol. Thinking it would bring serenity to Hitler, Chris Tomlin belted out “Hark! The herald angels sing”. The first few notes were enough to get into Hitler’s cranium. His horrible singing made Hitler, who was standing right next to the door, faint, and fall into the Marians Trench. And although the orphans were deaf from that point on, it was a Chris_T-MAS miracle. Merry Chris_T-MAS.

Happy Holidays

T.Hanks a lot

2009-11-26T21:14:00.011-05:00

I’ve skipped an acceptation of the Student of the month award, scoring the highest grade for the boys in my science class for the first quarter, birthday parties, the end of my soccer season, a new soccer season, Halloween, the discovering of Ardi, my time on the PA morning announcements, and the phony-bologna Barack Obama receiving the high & mighty Nobel Peace Prize. But I’m back just in time for holiday season and Thanksgiving. And I know that this is all about the Pilgrims coming from the Mayflower to the new world and having a feast with Squanto and Massasoit and the Wampanoag tribe, but I have a different conjecture.

You see I used to think Tom Hanks was a hobo and he was born on the fourth Thursday of November sometime in the ‘80s. I thought he was diagnosed with cancer, depression, cerebral palsy, etc, but he was too poor to afford a doctor so you technically couldn’t call him diagnosed. So he basically had a worse life than Anne Frank, but eventually some sympathy came around for him. Then nearing his birthday, many people started food drives, toy drives, clothing drives, etc. for him. So than people decided since his first initial and his last name spelled out Thanks and since everybody was giving stuff to him, they dubbed this time of year Thanksgiving. But then the people wanted THEIR own party, and since they wanted something different, they chose turkey, stuffing, cranberries, gravy, etc. Soon marveling at the ironic coincidence that a teenager pointed out to the New York Times, everybody now states what he or she is thankful for during this joyous day. The crummy part about it is I recently found out a different and more popular reason for Thanksgiving. And when I was watching Forrest Gump, Toy Story,and Big, I found out that Tom Hanks is a millionaire actor. Which is why I vetoed watching Angels & Demons, Philadelphia, Cast Away, Saving Private Ryan, Apollo 13, and the Da Vinci Code. I actually admired his work in Forrest Gump, but I just can’t...I just can’t take the humiliation anymore. Though it would probably have been a better children’s story than Charlie Brown and the Peanuts’ Happy Thanksgiving. I can still hear his mom say "Life is a box of chocolates". I guess I should’ve called it T.Hanks_giving. I’d rather watch Degrassi or one of those overrated TNT and Comedy Central shows than any of his films. You know why that channel’s called Comedy Central? I mean it sure isn’t comedy (except for South Park), and it’s not even located in the central part of the U.S.A! Reno 911 is located in Reno, South Park is in Denver, and I think Scrubs takes place in Southern California. I have a theory for the name too, but that’s another story…

To Indefinitely Be Continued

H.T (Happy Thanksgiving)

From 6-2 to Boo-You!

2009-09-27T23:03:00.006-04:00

It was coming. Everybody knew it would happen soon. The Redskins have again thwarted fans and their mullah. In a city besieged by the stock market, polluted, and with thousands of people waiting until the Salvation Army bus comes for cold meals (You guessed it, Detroit), a slight sparkle of hope shined during today’s game. Or it could be horrifying football. Matthew Stafford was prolific, but it didn’t matter anyway. After a 19-game losing streak, the Detroit Lions somehow finally a team stupid enough to beat: ladies and gentleman, the Washington Redskins! Yay! And guess what; when Dan Snyder pointlessly bought Albert Haynesworth and Brian Orakpo and keep Clinton Portis, the trio all suck and get injured! Woo-hoo! But that’s not it folks; the Washington Wizards were the worst team last year, got the worst possible draft spot and suck, and D.C United is not a favorable team, the Nationals suck and are for the gazillionth time are the worst team in baseball. Count your prayers on the capitals, cuz so far it ain’t lookin’ pretty for District of Columbia. Have you realized that the Redskins were 6-2 at one point last season? My catchphrase is “From 6 and 2 to boo you!” I have some helpful notions. Since Hunter Smith and Chris Cooley are the only players with a touchdown, I think you should take advantage of Miami’s brilliant Wildcat scheme, and put Hunter Smith in for QB. Punt or run. If that doesn’t work out then I’d get a census and ask for volunteers for the Redskins. Is anybody living in this household? Any age will do! I would pay you, but Dan Snyder has already wasted billions and is too greedy to invest anymore. The Redskins will never be a favorable team for me. In fact, I’m more of a rugby person now. So if anybody asks me my favorite sport, I will say rugby. Even though I have no clue what it is.

More dissatisfaction in the sports world. The Yankees just clinched 1st place in the AL East division. The good news is that the Red Sox are definitely going to be a wild card. Boston is coming strong again for this Soxtober.
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Mythology is real! A mythological creature was found in Panama. And four teenagers killed it! It was believed to be an extra-terrestrial. Did I mention I'm having Greek Mythology next unit in Reading. Perfect timing.

This is a nail-biting topic: Iran is testing out missiles along with nuclear fears. Cuba and Iran could like, form a union. The second generation of the Soviets. Raul Castro and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad could have a confidential meeting about having an immense bombing. But I’m sounding to Glenn Beck-y. My new word! But either way this is as frightening as Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 4-D.

A.H.I.L.I.DC (All Hope is lost in DC)

The Match

2009-09-19T17:05:00.012-04:00

Boy do I have to do a lot of blogging to catch up on. Kanye West, Joe Wilson, Serena Williams, how I won class president, my mom’s first book being published, Kim Clijsters, Juan Del Potro, my upcoming soccer game against a rival team, where shall we start? Well Kanye totally dissed Taylor Swift and embarrassed Beyonce, Wilson and Serena dissed themselves. Del Potro and Clijsters were gracious against Federer and Wozniacki. But I’ve got some more blog fodder. During the Davis Cup semifinal, Czech Republic vs. Croatia, Ivo Karlovic trounced the record for most aces in a game, racking up 78 ACES! But Radek Stepanek stayed in the game, persevering those remarkable serves, and won. In a match that was 1 minute shy of 6 hours! The scores were 6-7, 7-6, 7-6, 6-7, and 16-14. In the other Croatia vs. Czech Republic match, Tomas Berdych defeated Marin Cilic 6-3, 6-3, 3-6, 4-6, 6-3, and the Czech Republic reached the Davis Cup final for the first time in 29 years. And Spain swept Israel in the other side of the bracket. Poor Israel. Let down on Rosh Hashanah. The Jewish New Year! Ouch. No really I just pulled my hamstring and sprained my heel at the exact same time. Ow, the pain! I’m going to get an ice pack and a heating pad.

Peoples, check out this college football game. Newbie coach Lane Kiffin/Lame Kiffin is rolling the dice today. He said Tennessee (his team) is going to beat Florida, and this is the game. It's really controversial. So check it out. In fact, check out the score right now on ESPN.com. Check it out, check it out. Pardon my check it outs. I just saw this Sonny with a chance episode, and it had this sketch called the check it out girls. Basically all they said was check it out. By the way, the reason I call Lane Kiffin Lane Kiffin/Lame Kiffin is because I don't know what he'd rather be called: a street or boring. Go Florida!

Hey guys, guess what? I made up some other awesome words. Whenever a person fails too much, like everyday, you call them a Faily Daily. And I just finished seeing West Side Story. It was really good, much better than To kill a mockingbird or every single Cinderella story there is. It wasn’t as cliché as I expected it to be, it was definitely a modern version of Romeo & Juliet. But it should’ve been called this awesome title I made up: West Side Worry. Oh yeah! The etymology maestro strikes again. And I found this one can of sweet corn kernels at Giant called Niblets. That’s radical. It’s a close race, but Faily Daily crosses the finish line first.

So anyway Kanye, Wilson, and Serena showed some bad behavior. Kanye used his right of free speech at the wrong time. Wilson is a fascist. And Serena has eternally messed up her life. She apologized, but still. At Flushing Meadows (the US Open) she was the one of the only American player without a major fan club. I’ve got to admit, I predicted Lady Gaga to win, with The Fame. Taylor’s Fearless was okay but Beyonce’s I am…Sasha Fierce was better. But Taylor’s only been around since early 2008. And Beyonce's been a billionaire for like 5 years. Let me check out if I’m forgetting something. Okay. I just listened to Halo and You belong with me. Kanye was telling the truth. Only 6-year old orphan girls with no friends and no life that live in a foster home on a struggling farm outside of Houston listen to this cliché boredom that will make you want to stuff your ears with the closest & smallest object around you, stay like that for the rest of your life and probably commit suicide! Beyonce’s songs: pure beauty. I’m not saying I’m going to attempt to give Taylor laryngitis or anything. Fine, she’s not that bad, I just wanted Beyonce to win. Beyonce rules! She even invited Taylor up in her acceptance speech. Beyonce rules!

BRB (Beyonce Rules Bye)

Feel Demoralized Inc.

2009-09-12T21:17:00.008-04:00

The disaster of this year’s 9/11 didn’t strike until the wee hours of the day. The bleachers were wet and slippery. The fans were rowdy and energized. Yes, it was the Wootton Cluster night. Students from elementary schools such as Fallsmead, Dufief, Cold Spring, Lakewood, Stone Mill, Travillah, and middle schools like Cabin John and Robert Frost lined up for $1 admittance for all the students in the cluster, a bunch of more free stuff and popcorn for a buck. $2 per pizza slice too. But let’s cut to the chase. Thomas S. Wootton high was playing Gaithersburg high. Wooton started up to a quick 14-7 lead. Then the Trojans came back, scoring a touchdown. But the Wooton defense was relentless, blocking their extra point. It was like that for a while. They had to dry off the ball because then the best player on Wootton, QB Alex Kelly ran for 45 yards to the end zone, making it 21-13 with 2 minutes left. Then the fans were just chilling out, having ramen noodles and fruit by the foot until 50 seconds left! On 4th down, Gaithersburg QB Zach Fetters passed it in the end zone for a touchdown to Sean Combs, and went for two points to tie it up. Fetters scrambled and finally tossed it to Sylvester Oni, a fellow junior, for a controversial two points. So it went in to overtime, with a pitch-black sky and jerseys covered with mud. Kelly then hit Rashaan Morris in the end zone to put Wooton up 28-21. Gaithersburg tried some old plays, and it was suddenly fourth down again. Well Zach Fetters wasn’t about to give it all up. He handed it off to Kerry Cross, and Kerry trucked and rammed into the end zone. And the mere 30 fans on Gaithersburg’s side went wild. So what do you do, go for it or kick it. The usual method is better safe then sorry, and the Trojans started some drama when their offensive unit stayed on the field. The Wootton side was making as many distracting noises as you can imagine, and we were about to celebrate good times. As usual, Fetters scrambled, but this time it felt like an hour until he threw the ball. With the tight coverage, I could almost feel the confetti on my hair. But again Fetters hit Oni, and Oni barely held on to the ball and immediately the scoreboard lit up with the words Wootton: 28, Visitors: 29, Final. And immediately the junior varsity team, the lower strings, the benchwarmers, coach, assistant coach, coordinators and a photographer sprinted onto the field, with everyone except for the photographer mobbing Fetters, and the photographer was just trying to get photos of Fetters and his fan club, with hundreds of fans heartbroken. Alex Kelly heartbroken. The Woo-Tan clan is heartbroken. That’s how it is in the real world.

Will you believe this girl? Annie Le, a Pharmacology student at Yale was last seen at the Medicine house at Yale University, was to be married tomorrow. And now authorities are searching all over for her. Did she not want to be wed? Was she in a phase? Did she want to spice up her life by running away? Stay tuned on The Z Zone.

BRB

The Start Of Something New

2009-09-10T20:22:00.005-04:00

The second week of school is almost over. Autumn has come. Time is changing and tonight is the NFL regular season opener. It will be Halloween in a flash. Anyway, since the NFL season is starting, and Tennessee is playing Pittsburgh, I’m extremely excited about it. I even wrote a concrete poem about football season in English class. You want to know why it’s so exhilarating. Well, the thrill of the game makes my pulse pound 10 beats, the powerful aroma of the nachos, chili, onion rings, ribs and chicken wings clears out the snot in my sinuses any time I have the sniffles. And it is the amount of amusement you get when you watch a movie like Caddyshack or a show like Malcolm in the middle. I’m rooting for Tennessee in this one because I want Vince Young to make a comeback. But Kerry Collins will still win the starting job. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Steelers. I just think this year will be groundhog year for them. So, time for some pigskin! All right, see ya.

Okay. You've might have already seen this but still, it's awesome. My friend actually made a new and improved version of it. Ladies and Gentleman, The Harry Potter Puppet Pals!

When the Xbox 360 came out, you thought that was the last of them right? Wrong. Apparently. They're making an Xbox 720. Technology keeps on elevating levels of awsomeness. The ipod shuffles now speak to you and the ipod nano chromatic is pretty good.

All right. Good evening class. Welcome to failures 101. Let’s start with this fail by Andy Lau. How about these America's funniest home videos fails. Or Fidel Castro's presidency. Ooh, time flies when your'e having fun. Class is dismissed. Oh and class, believe it or not, there's a bigger blog obsessed with failures. It's called FailBlog.org. Look it up.

W.A.R.S.L

Charging for a chamionship

2009-09-04T20:04:00.006-04:00

Finally! The first chaotic week of school has finally came to a halt. Time for my picks for my favorite sport is here. NFL season is starting in six days. So these are my predictions for who’s going to win they’re pennant race, MVPs and the last team standing in Miami. Here it is:
NFC East AFC East
1. New York Giants 1. New England Patriots
2. Dallas Cowboys 2. New York Jets
3. Washington Redskins 3. Miami Dolphins
4. Philadelphia Eagles 4. Buffalo Bills

NFC South AFC West

1. New Orleans Saints 1. San Diego Chargers
2. Carolina Panthers 2. Denver Broncos
3. Atlanta Falcons 3. Kansas City Chiefs
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 4. Oakland Raiders
Playoff Predictions
1st round:
Minnesota over Dallas
NFC North Arizona over Washington
Tennessee over Denver
1. Minnesota Vikings New England over Baltimore
2. Chicago Bears 2nd round:
3. Green Bay Packers New Orleans over Minnesota
4. Detroit Lions New York over Arizona
San Diego over Tennessee
Pittsburgh over New England
Championships:
San Diego over Pittsburgh (barely)
New Orleans over New York
Super Bowl
San Diego over New Orleans
That’s right the Big Easy loses to the Big fish taco producing city. Sorry Drew and Reggie. Your chance was in ’07.

NFC West
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. San Francisco 49ers
3. St. Louis Rams
4. Seattle Seahawks

AFC North

1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cleveland Browns
4. Cincinnati Bengals
AFC South
1. Tennessee Titans
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
4. Houston Texans

You know how people say be kind to your elders. Well 5th graders and younger graders should be kind to they're elders. Meaning students of Robert Frost Middle School. Can you discern the quantity of bedlam from middle school to elementary school from getting class to class. Middle School annihilates elementary in that contest. I was late for 6th period four days consecutive. And I missed my bus today. But I guess I shouldn't complain, I hear high school's bus arrives at 6:30 AM. Excuse my randomness for putting this Aston-Martin Vantage on the title.
F.T.F.W.O.S.I.O (Finally the first week of

Tears of Blood

2009-09-01T16:06:00.008-04:00

Hola. Finally finished the first day of middle school. Seven classes! Not including a homeroom. It’s bedlam getting from class to class. But Frost is really cool. Anyhow, I’ve got a lot of news to deliver. Starting with this poor Tennessee 15-year-old boy. Calvino Inman apparently cries bloody tears. Calvino says it happens at least three times a day. Sometimes it burns. His friends call him possessed. Doctors have done a cat scan, MRI and many other medical procedures, and he still has yet to be diagnosed. His friends say he’s been possessed. He’s gotten used to it. But why does blood come out from Calvino Inman’s eyes when he cries instead of salt? His mom says she will go anywhere for a diagnosis or/and cure. I predict that probably the eye glands are internally bleeding. But if one doctor can possibly help the Inmans, it will sure be a miracle. Stay tuned on the Z channel.

Check it out. In Indiana Saturday night, the Greenfield police thought they were in a car chase. But actually, the supposed drunk driver was a 9-year old boy. The lad evidently was mad at his parents for saying it was time to go to sleep and quit playing. I know that feeling but I don’t go ahead and drive off in my mom’s Chevrolet Aveo (None of my relatives have a Chevy, but I wouldn’t do that anyway). That boy apparently has ADD and depression. I’m really sad that my teachers gave me a ton of homework. But either way don’t go swerving from lane to lane in a vehicle at midnight.

Guess what? We just lost another Tedy from Massachusetts. That’s right folks. 36-year old Tedy Bruschi just retired for New England. The longest tenured player when he departed, Bruschi only played Pats football. Bill Belichek called him a perfect player. We’ll miss you Ted.

Hey guys! I’ve got a great idea! Let’s play Pacman. Okay. First he’s in Tennessee. Then he gets suspended for that you-know-what incident. Then he gets a contract with Dallas. And now…In the name of Adam “Pacman” Jones say what! He got signed with a CFL team. Dallas to Canada. Wow. This is awkward. Got to go.

Peace out

Last day

2009-08-30T22:00:00.002-04:00

Ahhh! Do whatever you can do. The evil spirit of school is calling for us. And the flawless spirit of summer vacation says today will be it’s last day and it won’t come back until mid-June. The longest summer ever. From graduation to The Z Zone, Sportszone, Calleva adventure camp, Hawaii, birthday parties, Usain Bolt and yesterday’s birthday party for my uncle and dad (We had various cupcakes, tex-mex, onion rings, ribs, pork and ice cream cake. Better than my birthday party. Then again there was no theme.) Unfortunately this will be the end of our 75-day break. I totally thought we were going to the Outer Banks this summer, because before this summer every single summer of my life we went away to the Outer Banks for about 8 days. We did go away for Memorial Day weekend, though. And I guess next weekend (Labor day weekend) is sort of the end of summer. I don’t have a problem with Robert Frost middle school or anything. But summer is nirvana. Poor Andy Roddick. His birthday is today. And my dad and uncle’s birth certificates say that their birthday is today. But my grandma says that they were born August 31. So that’s why they end up having a birthday WEEKEND. But I try not to complain about that. And now I have 31 entries. Only 9 more hours to make today last.

So, the NFL regular season is coming up. Last night’s game was pretty epic. With San Diego playing at Atlanta, Matt Ryan completed 14/20 passes for 140 yards and 1 passing touchdown. And Philip Rivers and Billy Volek had a respectable night. To cut to the chase, Chris Redman and Charlie Whitehurst took over for QB, and Chris Redman passed for a touchdown with 9 seconds left. Drama.

C ya

DC chillin

2009-08-29T10:15:00.014-04:00

Good morning. Last night’s game was devastating. I mean on the Skins side, Campbell’s soup was served hot, as Jason Campbell completed 13/22 for 209 yards, and a 4-yard rushing touchdown. And two new faces, Anthony Aldridge and Marcus Mason combined for 17 carries, 79 yards and 1 touchdown, and Colt Brennan connected to Marko Mitchell on a 33-yard pass. And Chris Cooley grabbed a 73-yard reception to set up a Marcus Mason rush TD. Overall, beside the fact that the Redskins had 15 penalties against them for 113 New England yards, they were impressive. Did I mention that the massive 350-lb Albert Haynesworth caused Tom Brady to leave with a sore shoulder? And Daunte Culpepper is coming back to start for Detroit in they’re game against Houston. Major diss over Matthew Stafford. Well anyway guess what happened? The Mama Wok people totally switched up our order. We got tofu! I told my dad to get Hard Times. But it doesn’t matter because I just had the Singapore noodles, beef and dumplings. They’re dumplings are awesome. And because today we’re having a big barbecue for my dad and uncle’s 48th birthday weekend. Sorry to remind you about your age dad. But today is an even more famous person’s birthday. Read on if wanted.

Happy Birthday 51st Michael Jackson! This summer’s tabloids were practically all about him. Thriller, Man in the mirror, Bad, Smooth Criminal, ABC, Dangerous, Dirty Diana, Black or white, Billie Jean, Beat it, P.Y.T, Don’t stop till you get enough and you’re other songs are still rocking. Sorry Farrah, but more people care about the King of pop then the Queen of Charlie’s Angels. Happy B-day, MJ. Spongebob, Alvin and the Chipmunks and the Chipettes are making remixes of you’re songs.

Tim Linecum is aiming for a triple crown this season as he and the Giants trimmed the Rockies wild-card lead down to 2 games. I’m rooting for San Fran by a hair. Best of luck to Colorado too.

C ya

So Vick of him

2009-08-28T19:58:00.006-04:00

Yo. Sorry I didn’t blog yesterday. I had middle school orientation and there was zero news. Speak of the devil; I just went to the Newseum. It’s pretty cool. Did you know you have to wake up at 6:30 am for middle school? For all the retirees out there reading this, you’re schedule must be so awesome. Wake up. Play golf. Relax in a pool. Eat gourmet food for all meals. Repeat. Then again the middle school cafeteria food at elementary school (They basically used oil for every course.) But change of subject, Michael Vick just performed an auspicious debut for Philadelphia in a 33-32 win over Jacksonville, in his first game since December 31, 2006. He completed four passes for nineteen yards, even though some irritated protesters jeered him. And David Akers nailed a last minute field goal. Some people just don’t respect good values anymore. What happened to second chances? Michael Vick has diligence, but he hasn’t done anything for atonement, and considering the percentage of people who hate him it seems that even if he does something he'll still be canine Hitler. Looks like I’m the odd man out. Michael is super fast, but he can’t run away from this one. Premiering next on the Vick channel, Philly is headed north to the Big Apple, who just named rookie Mark Sanchez starting 1 day ago. And after that we’ll just have to roll the dice if Roger Goodell lets him to play in the regular season. Well in DC, the Redskins are preparing for they’re game against New England. The key is who is Tom Terrific focused on: Giselle or the game. If it’s Giselle then Washington MIGHT win, if it’s the game then they’re probably going to get creamed by New England. But on the bright side my dad ordered Chinese food from Mama Wok.

Selena Gomez’s new Disney Channel original movie, the Wizards of Waverly Place Movie premiers tonight at 8/7 central. As if she wasn’t tired of Disney channel movies. A few months ago she performed her first one with Drew Seely in Another Cinderella Story, then she did The Princess Protection Program with BFF and fellow actor who’s the main character of a Disney Channel sitcom (Sonny with a chance) and singer who’s equally famous, Demi Lovato. Did you know they became friends and famous on Barney? Life is unfair. Anyway, Selena is doing a lot of work. Watch it.

So. Nice summer. Two more days until I become officially a student of Robert Frost middle school. I’m in the middle of two schools. I’ve graduated from Lakewood, but I haven’t learned any academics in Frost. This summer is so long. Tough for my dad and uncle. They’re birthdays are on the last day of summer.

Peace (Even though the anniversary of Woodstock has passed)

Ted, White and Blue

2009-08-26T09:39:00.005-04:00

Ted is dead. Yes, that’s right. In “Here’s Brett, Don’t Fret” I stated that after Robert Novak died, I picked Ted Kennedy for the next death. Don Hewitt passed, but now the last of Kennedy boys is gone. The Kennedy brothers could’ve easily been a dynasty if Rob wasn’t killed in 1968, he could’ve beat Richard Nixon for the election. And obviously Ted would’ve been a more reasonable choice for Prez instead of Jimmy Carter. And both of those eras would be similar to the Camelot era, with JFK. At least the anxiety and tension about when he will die part is over. Believe me, I thought he was dead in that lunch in late January after Obama’s swearing in. Not even close. Kennedy was an extremely courageous patriot. He was disciplined, determined and intelligent. He was also a dog person. Which is why I am typing with my golden doodle Rafa. Where’d he go? Oh there he is. Ok, he betrayed me for a rubber bone, but let’s not think about that. Poor Ted. He was the last of the Kennedy dynasty. And here's what Obama has to say about Teddy. His patriotism is underrated. That’s too bad. But as all people, he lost his battle with the devil, cancer (We have got to find a vaccine for that epidemic). G.B.T.K

Celebrate good times! I totally forgot about the 100th anniversary of the root beer float. It’s been a week. Sorry A&W and MUG. I worship you guys. You’re my second favorite soda, barely trailing Dr. Pepper. I love floats more than black cows, sundaes or even banana splits or crème brulee. And I like the bananas foster milkshakes from Cheeburger Cheeburger a lot too. And I forgot what Baked Alaskas taste like. Either way, the entrepreneur who thought of a root beer float is genius. Hail root beer floats.

Hey, it’s been 500 years since Galileo Galilei’s ingenious notion of a telescope. Nice thinking, Galileo. We got a man on the moon because of that building block. Even though the 500th anniversary was yesterday. I was going to write about the root beer float and Galileo last night. Apparently curfew beats blogging in my parent’s perspective.

You know what I just heard happened. My sister’s friend and neighbor, was at Cunningham Falls the exact same day we were there, and she was attacked by a swarm of bees too. Spooky stuff, eh? A Hollywood director might as well take this coincidence, elongate the story and make up parts to it, and turn it in to a Rated R horror film. For more drama in this paragraph, click this hyperlink, and it will take you to Beethoven’s 5th symphony. Beeware of the swarm!

The Rockies keep on coming. In 10 innings Colorado beat LA. The Rockies are now 2 games below LA.

Now I'm having another poll: What website are you rooting for in the search engine war: Google, Bing or Ask. Even though it's mostly between Google and Bing I wanted to see if anybody would say Ask. Don't be shy. Speak your mind. I'm for Google.

C ya

Colorado Rocking

2009-08-25T22:29:00.003-04:00

In the present moment the MLB is being plagued by steroids, the economy and Bud Selig’s tactics are right now plaguing MLB. Though last night was just a great and original game of America’s pastime. It was more then that. You know what’s more rare and amazing than a walk-off or a grand slam: a walk-off grand slam. But Colorado Rockies left-fielder Ryan Spilborghs decided to do a rare thing last night. With the San Francisco Giants leading 3-1 in the 14th inning right after the Giants drove in two runs, Spilborghs, a Santa Barbara native, hit a grand salami to end the game. And also on Sunday in a Mets-Phillies match at Wrigley Field, Phillies second baseman Eric Bruntlett snagged a line drive, and tagged two base runners, and completed only the second unassisted triple play in major league history, first since 1926. Before the game Colorado was slightly leading San Fran in the NL wild card race by 3 games. The win pushed the Rockies’ lead to 4 games, with San Fran just above Atlanta, and the Colorado are now 3 games below first place, which is currently held by the Dodgers, who are slumping since the all-star break. The Rockies was practically hopeless of playoff hopes in June fifteen and half games below first place. But Colorado is making a repeat of 2007, and they’re next series is versus LA. In fact it’s the bottom of the second now. LA is up 1-0.

Wow. When Jerry Jones decided to make a brand new $650 million dome for Dallas, did he ever consider the jumbotrons were too low? I mean really, if you have a good punt, it shouldn’t go back down so fast as if it were a boomerang. Let’s grab ahold of reality and take it for a ride, shall we? I know Obama said it’s time for a change but he didn’t mean it that way. Jerry is confused. He should just retire and continue to live in his mansion. Aren’t jumbotrons supposed to be way up high so they don’t interfere with the game? Jerry Jones is screwed. He’s got me talking about jumbotrons. I used to talk about MY LIFE. Not some random old dude from Texas’ problems. Jerry Jones isn’t that bad he should revise his plans before he exposes them to the world.

Chris Brown just got sentenced to 5 years in probation and 1,400 hours in “labor-oriented service”. Whatever that’s supposed to mean. Brown, 20 has to stay at least 50 yards from Rihanna, 10 yards if at the same event. I personally think Brown should only have to do community service. Rihanna’s hit Rehab featuring Justin Timberlake pretty much pomed Chris enough. When he goes back to making records, he’ll be the next Michael Vick. OMG! That joke was so perfect, right? It was just so perfect! LOL! I’ve got to start writing these down. That was gold. It was more than that. It was platinum. I’ve got the potential of Jonathan Waters and Rick Reilly. Oh my god. That was too good. Okay, see ya.

W.A.R.S.L
Update:10:34 PM: The Rockies are tied up with LA 2-2, Top 7th.

Beeware of the swarm

2009-08-24T10:01:00.006-04:00

Buenos Dias peoples! Sorry for not writing yesterday. I had a blog going about Chase Daniel and how he helped the Redskins beat the Steelers 17-13. Then my mom called me for breakfast. My family discussed where we wanted to go: Six Flags or this place called Cunningham Falls in Thurmont, MD. Originally my sister, mom and I wanted to go to Six Flags, and my dad said he would go if that were the vote. But then my mom gave into my dad, and we then hit the road to Cunningham Falls. After that it pretty much went downhill. I mean the falls were really cool in all and super refreshing, but when my mom and I were walking back to the car disaster struck. A swarm of yellow jackets was buzzing around in side a hollowed out log, minding they’re own beeswax, when suddenly they ambushed me, stinging extremely close to my ear, on my scalp, calve and at the same exact time I tripped while running away from the bees on the pebbled toe path, receiving a big gory wound on my knee cap. After I finally got in the car I spent 5 minutes crying like a baby with more pain in my whole entire life so far. But that’s not the end. After that I decided to face my fears and go to a snack bar in a beach in Cunningham Falls. It was smooth sailing before a wasp stung my arm. After that when I was relaxing in the sand I just got a nosebleed. And I think I have developed a phobia of wasps, sweat bees, yellow jackets and hornets (last year on my mom's 43rd birthday I was white-water rafting in the Shenandoah river in Virginia and I got stung by a sweat bee in the armpit, and a couple of years ago this girl in my camp got stung by a hornet and it was really close to me.) Can you believe that happened to such an innocent boy like me? Horrible. Mortifying. Worst karma ever. Even worse than this one day in Hawaii where I got stuck in a seatbelt and got a small abrasion, then cut my dominant hand’s palm on a rock, then accidentally locked my sister’s Converse All-Stars in a safe at a Sheraton, and then puked. The good part about that day is my dad got the All-Stars out (Lord knows how). Did I mention I accidentally did a really painful belly flop of my local pool’s diving board? Or when I was playing catch with an aquatic football and I overthrew it and it ended up hitting a grumpy old lady's umbrella? Why can’t I just have a regular Sunday where I go to church or temple and then spend the rest of the day peacefully reading inside? That would be a good fix. But then again I like some razzle-dazzle in my Sunday. Oh well.

No! The Red Sox had a chance to be a wild card and they blew it against the Yankees. Boston has a 9-6 record this year other New York, and in they’re last 6 meetings New York won. So last night in a pitcher’s marquee matchup (C.C Sabathia versus Josh Beckett) Beckett gave up a homer on his first pitch and the Yanks kept on hitting balls over the Green Monster at Fenway Park, thrashing the Sox’s last chance at salvation.

B.O.B (Beware of Bees)

Bolt!

2009-08-22T18:15:00.007-04:00

Usain is insane. In the Beijing Olympics, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt broke the 100m and 200m records last year. A few days ago Bolt broke his own 200m and 100m record. Two years ago when Jamaican sprinter Asafa Powell held the 100m record most people thought nobody could beat that. Usain Bolt is a human engine. When you see the car on top of Bolt! It’s the SSC Ultimate Aero, the world’s fastest street legal car (I want to see that car race against him. I bet that car could beat him only if before it stopped for a break at Shell before the race.) Not even Michael Johnson or Carl Lewis is close to that type of material. And he’s 6’5. We’re talking millionaire in the next month possibly. I used to think he was a show-off but now I think he deserves to be a show-off. He deserves to be governor of Jamaica. Bolt is has more velocity than possibly no one to ever live in the universe. Unless his speed is genetic. But for now he’s the fastest. So respect him.

Ouch. It appears that Brett Favre had only one completion in his debut in the Metrodome in Minneapolis against Kansas City. And in the completion it was 3rd down and Favre made an underhand toss and rookie Percy Harvin had to dive for it so they didn’t get a 1st down. But he only had 3 practices. And they still won. So cut him some slack.

Michael Vick is likely to make his debut Thursday night in Philadelphia against Jacksonville. And tonight the tenacious Baltimore Ravens are seeking revenge against their arch-nemesis, the Pittsburgh Steelers after an epic AFC championship game even though they're playing Washington.

Yay! Yippee! It’s the 25th blog of The Z Zone. Whew! It’s been a long 63 days from that sunny early summer day to this stormy late summer day. I remember when I made The Z Column. In fact, I even remember the first day of this summer when my dad told me I should write a blog. I also remember when my grandma gave me a book about blogs and ezines right after I showed her The Mosquito Massacre. I remember taking like an hour to write Zac Attack. I remember my first comment. Yup. I remember all of that. This is my first anniversary of The Z Zone's debut, and plenty to come. Isn't it cool how I keep on saying debut. It's cool, it's French, it's catchy. Debut. This summer has felt like a lifetime. Too bad it has to pass soon. Oh well. Can somebody please comment on they’re favorite car. It’s been three blogs and still no comments. Take your time though. Thank you.

H.T.T.Z.Z.P (Hail To The Z Zone Please)

Internet Addiction

2009-08-22T11:40:00.004-04:00

Guess what just what just happened. There are approximately 300 camps in China to “help” and wean some kids that are addicted to the Internet. Weeks ago, an adolescent was beaten and hospitalized. In another camp weeks later, a child was slaughtered in another camp. I went to one camp that had serious white water rafting, caving with deep and big potholes, a ropes course, kayaking and rock climbing. Nobody had been killed. You know that China is colossally failing more than ever. More than Jimmy Carter and George Bush’s presidency. More than Dick Cheney when he shot that hunter. First of all they have more censorship than Pakistan. They also have camps to wean children away from Internet obsession. And the most famous person in China just failed on this Youtube video. But aside from those three things China’s not that bad.

Sorry to get your hopes up about The Cleveland Show. It turns out it premiers September 27 on TBS.
Cleveland changes in The Cleveland show. He even has a new family.

Hey check out these popular videos on Youtube. One is about Snoop Dogg on who wants to be a millionaire? The other one is Mass. congressman Barney Frank dissing some republican Obama haters. Another one is a hilarious bowling video on America’s funniest home videos. They’re funny.

D.E.F

Sports Cars and Pop Stars

2009-08-21T16:21:00.007-04:00

Sup y’all. I know you thought I wasn’t going to blog anymore until Sunday. But I just forgot something. Today is the 2-month anniversary of Michael Jackson. And his burial date was moved to September 3rd. It’s also Farrah Fawcett’s but nobody really cares about her anymore. If anyone could get a cardiac arrest, it had to be Michael. Sad. Too bad it wasn’t Patricia Heaton. She EPICALLY FAILS AT MATH. I was watching this Youtube video of her on who wants to be a millionaire with Regis Philbin and she flunked big time. I was like “Somebody slap this woman”. I feel super duper bad for her kids. All that matriarchal tyranny.” Hey I sound exactly like Stewie from Family Guy. Can you believe that Cleveland’s new show is premiering tomorrow on TBS? I’m so thrilled. So anyway, pledge your allegiance to the King of pop. He’s my idol, and also almost every single person I know. GBMJ

Hey do know why I put a Lamborghini Murcielago on the top of The Critical Hour? Because it’s a hot car. And so are almost all Lambos. With hours of watching car shows like Pimp my Ride and Top Gear, reading car books and listening to William talk about Cars 101 and Cars 411 I am compelled to make cars polls. But there will be only one poll for this entry. This one will be a sports cars poll. I would appreciate it if everybody could post a comment on what sports car and/or luxury car you like the most (Dodge Vipers are included). Whether it’s an aerodynamic Lamborghini Gallardo, a slim Aston-Martin Vantage, or just an attractive Maserati GT. And for your information my favorite car is a Murcielago. And if you want to watch Pimp my ride, it's been canceled but you might be able to see a repeat of it on MTV or On Demand. Top Gear used to be canceled but now they're on BBC and On Demand. And the car you will see on the below the title is a Ferrari Spyder (Don't think of buying the cars I'm talking about).

Hey guys, guess what? There was a miscommunication between my dad and I and I’m actually going to New Jersey on Labor Day weekend. So I’ll still be here in Maryland next week.

C ya

The Critical Hour

2009-08-21T12:50:00.007-04:00

“Hey it’s Zac, with my man William and you’re reading to Suburb Enthusiasm, the new hit blog show about worldwide stuff. William is a master at cars 101, science 101 and martial arts. Now here’s William’s take on Wall Street”: “While the idiots at wall street are fretting about the rising costs of waffles, the smarter idiots at wall street are wolfing down donuts at Krispy Kreme at 50 XXL donuts per hour. And what’s up with Eminem? He took the name of a tiny piece of chocolate”! Isn’t that the honest-to-god-truth, right? I think that the Reeses Puffs rappers copied Eminem?” “True that.” “In one of my latest entries, I totally hated on Sony. I had nothing to write about. Sorry Sony. The PS1, PS2, PS3 and PSP’s are awesome. The PS3 is only so expensive because it can play Blu-ray discs, it’s a DVD player, a computer, and it’s a video game console. I didn’t know all that stuff, and my Xbox 360 couldn’t do anything what I just said, and it only cost $250. Sorry guys. Okay. Looks like we’re out of time. Keep watching The Z Zone’s new hit sitcom, Suburb Enthusiasm. See you guys.

“Ah nothing beats a summer hobby like a dip in the pool. But I hate the chlorine. It burns your eyes. What the? How’d this paragraph get here? Oh well. You know what they should have? Pools with just hose water. I do believe my notions would work miracles as an entrepreneur. But you’ve got to keep it TOP SECRET. “ What’s that conscience? You think putting it on the Internet isn’t TOP SECRET. Well guess what, if anybody tries to steal my idea, I have my own attorney. Or at least I think I do. Whatever! Different subject!

Here’s some information that will probably bore you to tears but I just decided to write about it. In December 2006 a man named Michael Ratley saved his wife and baby. One month later, he murdered his wife. Why is it that every single story is about confused bi-polar man? It gets immensely dull after a while. I’m going to go to another site. Maybe LA Times.com. I’ve been going the way a lot lately.

You might wonder why this is called The Critical Hour. Every Suburb Enthusiasm has an hour. It might be the happy hour, the Brazil hour or the Kevin Rudolph hour. It depends on the subject.
Change of subject.

I know I’ve had like a blog marathon since Monday. Well this is the last of the blog marathon. I’m going up to New Jersey to my cousin’s. Then I’m going to NYC to see some tennis at the U.S Open (did I mention they are front row). See y’all.

$33 U L@+3r

Fantasy Football for Dummies

2009-08-20T10:57:00.010-04:00

As the NFL season starts, I am going to make my if-I-were-the owner-of-the-rights-to-the-number-one-drat-picks fantasy football picks. Then my rankings, playoff-picks, MVP picks and more in another blog entry. So for now, listen to my picks.

Quarterback: Drew Brees
Halfback: Adrian Peterson
Wide receiver: Larry Fitzgerald
Wide receiver: Steve Smith
Tight End: Antonio Gates
Fullback: Ahmard Hall
Kicker: Robbie Gould
Defense: Giants

Ok, look. There's this new show on Nick at Nite. It's called Glenn Martin DDS. Watch it. It's hysterical. But Glenn Martin DDS isn't the totally newest cinema in Nickelodean. First Family Matters came. Months later the Penguins of Madagascar arrived. After that Malcolm in the Middle came. Soon Everybody hates Chris is coming. Did I mention George Lopez is getting his own show on TBS in months(gasp). It's pandemonium! If you want to know when to watch Glenn Martin DDS, its usually after of an episode of The Penguins of Madagascar, at around 9 pm.

The Nationals upcoming year is just getting better! When former manager Manny Acta got fired in the middle of the season, internim manager John Riggleman replaced him. Then the Nats went on with their season, another long and demoralizing one. Wow. It feels like the season has ended. But now Washington acquired Stephen Strasburg, and now they have a new general manger. His name is Mike Rizzo. The Nationals are improving, but still rebuilding after the loss of Alfonso Soriano, and that acquisation is a big building block.

W.A.R.S.L

Sony With a Chance of Debt

2009-08-19T13:14:00.007-04:00

Some Japanese video gaming corporations are so intolerable. I thought I had enough of them when I mad a “Know Your Enemy” remix into “The enemy is SEGA” but apparently yesterday I wrote some criticism about Sony. Apparently Sony developed a more portable and thinner PS3 by making a 120 GB PS3. If you haven’t noticed, their last price was $400. Do they think that every home has an ATM? If Nintendo and Xbox turn bad, that’s the apocalypse. The PS3 isn’t even as good as a Nintendo 64. I’ve got a new plan: let’s boycott Sony. If you want a television, get Panasonic or Blu-Ray. Want to buy a console: by Nintendo or Xbox. Don’t buy Sony. 1:Their video games have bad graphics.2: I don’t like how the made their name. Really, Sony? I bet they were having sushi and sashimi thought of soy sauce, cut off sauce; picked a random letter, decide the last number of their home country, and place n in the middle. Right there. 3: I’m tired of my Sony big screen television (not really). Anyway, if you support shunning Sony, I promise that you will not be tricked by some of Sony’s con artists.

Back to epic failures, here are just random ones. One 89-year old man just fell in his farm, wasn’t found for two days. He was about to get killed by a pack of cougars, and then a dog saved him. If I were that guy I would want to die. How embarrassing. Saved by a dog. That geezer’s got a lot of guts. One other one is a guy set his own geese out in these town fairs in Iowa and walks with them for exercise. I play tennis, soccer, football and other sports for exercise. But apparently he thinks walking with a gaggle of geese is exercise. Buying a Whopper value meal is more exercise.

You know how when you watch 60 minutes you sometimes wonder who created 60 minutes? Well his name was Don Hewitt, winner of eight Emmys and two Peabodys, and longtime CBS executive. A successful man, Hewitt was also a television pioneer. Sadly, he passed away today. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop watching 60 minutes. In fact, I’ll go find the latest TV Guide and see when’s the next 60 minutes is. 5 minutes later: Can’t find the TV Guide. To be honest, I’ve only seen one 60 minutes. But I planned to see it and it was the one where Lebron James made that one-handed, underhanded, full-court toss. That was magic. RIP ( I’m saying too many RIPS these days).

D.B.S (Don’t buy Sony)

Whole Fool

2009-08-18T21:35:00.003-04:00

Gourmet food is overrated. I love gourmet food, but apparently I don’t love their head. Particularly Whole Foods. Formerly known as Fresh Fields, Whole Foods looks like they have a pathetic corporate executive. John Mackey (the inefficient president) first got caught on embarrassing message board brouhaha. Now he decides to oppose to Obama’s health care plan. Barack Hussein Obama’s! O.B.A.M.A.S (Our Boss, And Master And Sovereign). But apparently M.A.C.K.E.Y.S plan is suddenly better (Mediocre Annoying Conceited Krazy Embarrassing Yellow dog) In fact; Whole Foods doesn’t even have a pharmacy like Giant, Safeway or Harris Teeter. Well Obama’s health care plan will be a law someday. That’s the way it is and that’s the way it should be. Tough luck, Mackey.

As of today, Sony has officially trimmed the price of a PS3 down by $100, now at $299. Way to go Sony. You’ve been officially named the biggest cheapskates ever.

$33 u l@+3r

College Football 101

2009-08-18T17:57:00.007-04:00

College football is underrated. That’s why this entry is going to be all about college pigskin. For this one it’s about who’s going to the major bowls, and my rankings, and Heisman picks, and one thing you’d never expect.
Top Ten Teams
1. Florida Gators
2. Texas Longhorns
3. Oklahoma Sooners
4. USC Trojans
5. LSU Tigers
6. Alabama Crimson Tide
7. Penn State Nittany Lions
8. Ohio State Buckeyes
9. Georgia Bulldogs
10. Ole Miss Rebels

Heisman Candidates

1. Tim Tebow (Florida)
2. Colt McCoy (Texas)
3. Jahvid Best (Cal)

Major Bowls
BCS: Florida over Texas
Rose: Oklahoma over USC
Orange: LSU over Alabama
Sugar: Penn State over Ohio State
Fiesta: Ole Miss over Georgia

#1 College Fantasy Football
QB: Tim Tebow FB: Kenny Jefferson
RB: Jahvid Best K: Kai Forbath
WR: Dez Bryant Defense: Florida
WR: Arrelious Benn
TE: Jermaine Gresham
G.A.T.W (Gators all the way)

Here's Brett, Don't Fret

2009-08-18T14:55:00.006-04:00

Brett is back. A source says that Brett Favre will sign a $10-12 million deal with the Minnesota Vikings, says senior ESPN football analyst Chris Mortensen. Another source reports that he is supposed to start in Friday night’s preseason opener, against the Kansas City Chiefs. The Vikings finished training camp strong and won their preseason opener 13-3 against Peyton Manning and his Indianapolis Colts, with a hard performance from quarterback Sage Rosenfels, who has been competing with quarterback Tavaris Jackson, since Favre ditched Minnesota on July 28. Adrian Peterson and Brett Favre will be extremely dominant and will have splendid chemistry this season, even though Brett is 39 and Peterson finished college 2 years ago. Beware NFL teams. The Vikings are back.

In Philly, another talented yet notorious quarterback that just got out of jail. Michael Vick got signed in Philly. Donovan McNabb still is will probably get the starting job. And then Brian Westbrook will take them far in the playoffs, like he always does.

Breaking news! Former CNN “Crossfire” host and conservative columnist Robert Novak passed away minutes ago. I’ll admit it: I had never heard of this person before but I do now, and it feels like I’ve known him for a billion years. One by one, celebrities have died this year. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Walter Cronkite, John Hughes and now Robert Novak. In my perspective, Ted Kennedy will sadly be the next one. Now that CNN has lost Cronkite and Novak, it looks like CNN will be more tedious then TV Land. But, after a long struggle with cancer, Mr. Novak, as most people do now, lost the battle. RIP
$33 u l@+3r

Pride Wins

2009-08-18T11:14:00.008-04:00

Hey guys. You probably were wondering why I didn’t write the final piece on Stephen Strasburg being drafted by the Nationals for a 4 year deal and 15.5 million (boo-yah!). Wow. I did all those pointless updates but I didn’t do the one that was actually the most important. Well here’s the story: You know how in the end of my latest entry I said I’m going to spend the next 10 minutes staring at the MLB section in ESPN. I actually spent 25 minutes, nervously pacing around while maintaining an eye on the clock. Well at 12:15 am my parents were like “You have to go to bed now” and I was like “But mom, I just found out that Stephen Strasburg was drafted by the Nationals” and my mom was like “Oh that’s great. Now go to sleep.” And I was like “But” and my mom was like “Sleep. Now.” And I was like “All right.” But anyway aside from that, STEPHEN STRASBURG IS ON THE NATS! Next year will be fantastic. New manager. New pitcher. And thinking ahead, they have an immense probability of getting a more superior prospect: Bryce Harper. He can bat. And the trio of Ryan Zimmerman, Stephen Strasburg and Bryce Harper would be dominant and even Playoffs caliber. Just a reminder, the Nationals will be back next year.

Hey, guess what? Bob Dylan got stopped by the police in a small town in New Jersey. Now I want you to read this but I also want you to count how many failures he had. Well getting stopped in a small town in a small state is a failure. Um let’s see. The cops at first didn’t believe he was Bob Dylan. Fail. The authorities asked him why he was taking a walk in the rain. Fail (Who takes a walk in the rain, especially in a leather suit, jeans and a sombrero.) Oh and who has the name Bob. Fail. Oh wait my neighbor’s name is Bob. Sorry Bob. I just think Bob doesn’t go well with Dylan. Oh and here’s a tip, Dylan. Before you sing, clear your throat. Real good. Your voice is raspier than Randy Newman. Fail. Five failures and one apology.

BRB

Money versus Pride, Part Three: Still nothing

2009-08-17T23:51:00.000-04:00

Back on the web. So, 20 more minutes until the deadline. So, how about that Gerald Celente. He’s a gleeful guy. The way he changes your opinion to the more positive side of the subject. Great guy. I’m going to check ESPN.com for anything. Still nothing. Ooh now it’s 13 minutes. It’s getting closer. Still nothing. So, what about Woodstock? You, know what. I can’t take this any longer. I’m spending the next ten minutes staring at ESPN.com. I’ll alert you when I see anything.
BRB

Money versus Pride, Part two:Nothing yet

2009-08-17T23:12:00.000-04:00

All right, I’ve got my sporty pajamas, a thermos with milk, and graham crackers. It’s time for some updates. Nothing yet. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Ooh, here we go. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Ah ha. Well, Mark Zuckerman just said that Boras usually waits on these things. Wow, that helps. I’ll check some other sites. Nope. Nill. Zero info. Ooh, it’s supposed to be partly cloudy all day in Rockville. But watch out. An isolated storm is coming at 9 pm. Oops, off-topic. Let me surf more. Nothing. Zilch. Zip. Wow, Scott. You are one evil person. You know what I’m logging off. I’ll be back soon. From then on you can just watch these Youtube videos of the economic collapse. See ya.

S.B.I.R.A (Scott Boras is really aggravating)

Money versus Pride, Part One

2009-08-17T22:12:00.000-04:00

Written by Zac Lowy

In the city of San Diego, a prodigy with mad pitching skills is born. Years later he learns about his natural dexterous talent. He plays on teams and excels all the way up until he’s 21 and now wants to play major league baseball. Miles east, a mediocre yet young franchise has picked him and is yet to be signed. The star has the best agent in the MLB, and his agent (Scott Boras) wants 20 million per year and the team (the Washington Nationals) is pitiful when it comes to ticket sales. The supernatural (Stephen Strasburg) might have to go to either a lesser league or Japan. The answer to this face-off is at midnight; so if you’re game for it for my countdown and the answer to this showdown, then stay up. If you’re not you can just slumber until the morning and check out the report, when the news will be prehistoric or find out about it when it actually happens. Your decision. But I will be almost nocturnal for this issue and focused, for your information.
S.T (Stay tuned)

Y.E-MAN

2009-08-17T15:30:00.000-04:00

In a world of freezing underground sea caves, all-you-can-eat-buffets, horseback riding, botanical gardens, volcanoes and more, Hawaii is the most diverse place in the universe. I can’t think of a place where you can go skiing and drive a practical distance to the beach. But now that I’m back in Rockville I shall scribe about reality. But those are all common and boring things. Do you want to hear about cliché stories and bosh like an elderly man heckling Arlen Specter at a news conference, Eminem and Mariah Carey’s brawlin’ n bawlin’ or the latest on Michael Vick, or do you want to hear about golf. That’s what I thought. O.K, here’s one thing that’s not reality: Tiger Woods blowing a lead in the final round of a tournament. That’s a first. Especially to a guy who’s name is Y.E Yang. Awkward. Ego-decreasing. Pretty much the reverse of a Cinderella story. I might also remind you that this media-rite means that Tiger still hasn’t won a major since the 2008 U.S Open which questions a second “rehab”. But the main thing is to finish games. It’s always either he blows a comeback or doesn’t come close. We want the old Tiger back. So with just a lot of practice, some time off from tournaments, I predict Tiger will be back on the prowl in time for the Masters.

The low budget movie District 9 received an estimated $37 million in ticket sales and is on top of the box office. District 9 is one of those aliens versus humans movies and is supposed to be mildly scary. The amazing part is 29-year old Johannesburg native Neil Blomkamp used only $30 million to direct the motion picture. G.I Joe: The rise of the cobra is a Neil Blomkamp film too.

The NFL pre-season has started, and soon the regular season will start, and soon fantasy football will start, and soon Madden gaming will start!!! The new Madden game is on Xbox, Wii and Playstation and will be out this Friday!!! But beware fellow gamers: the Madden curse is real.

E.T.R.O.T.S.W.Y.S.C. (Enjoy the rest of the summer while you still can)

Mail on Sunday

2009-07-26T22:47:00.000-04:00

Perfection is a luxury that you have to earn. Things such as the 2007-08 NFL season for the New England Patriots or just a simple A+ in an algebra quiz are feats that would be dubbed as flawlessness. And that’s what happened Thursday evening to Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrlhe. But rare stuff like that usually is just a hodgepodge of emotions: more boredom and disappointment than a Nasdaq business meeting for the opposing team, more glee than the show Glee premiering on FOX in September for the VIP, and more awe for the fans than the Macy’s day parade. But it wasn’t over until the last out. For a while it was picture perfect, but then Chicago started to get lazy. A player on the Tampa Bay Rays, the former AL champs, hit a ball into the stands into centerfield but centerfielder Dewayne Wise sprung to retrieve it. Wise bobbled it on his journey down but in the end he held on. And that was obviously SportCenter’s number one play of the week. And thanks to Wise, Mark Buehrle was invited halfway across the country to the Big Apple to read the top 10 list on Monday night’s show with Mr. David Letterman. Oops. Reporting news. It seems that the White Sox have been humiliated 5-1 by the Detroit Tigers, which places them three games below first place in the AL central division, which apparently is held by Detroit.

Well in a mere 81 hours I will be flying on a US air airline all the way to a cluster of isolated atolls that are extremely relevant to Spongebob Squarepants, water beds, ukuleles and nirvana. H.A.W.A.I.I. Goodbye, pleasant and suburban Montgomery County. Aloha beachy, lush and tropical south Pacific. This will be ten times better than Six Flags, Kings Dominion and Water County USA combined. Because this is Hawaii. The only state that you can’t believe is part of America. Hawaii is the only location, that when you taste their food for the first time you feel as if the airplane food is leftovers from a soup kitchen. Oh wait, you always feel that way after a plane trip (sorry airlines, but really get ahold of yourself and make something that isn’t just made with artificial substitutes, acids and a solar powered microwave. Make something that people won’t pray and dream for flight cancellations so they can receive food vouchers. Sincerely, a harsh critic of yours.) I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Adios pleasant home, Aloha paradise.
C U L8r

Trustworthiness

2009-07-19T15:10:00.001-04:00

Trust is one of the most powerful elements in life, and Walter Cronkite had that. The beloved CBS anchor died yesterday at the age of 93. Is trustworthiness any more needed now? People are just taking the opportunity to screw up people. Suze Orman, Dick Cheney and Joey Crawford are just messing up now. Cronkite has been a trusted man and has not let us down. But age did. Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, the world’s oldest man, Steve Mcnair and now Walter Cronkite are among the famed ones that have passed. It is only a matter of time until Ted Kennedy dies. Walter Cronkite spoke from the heartland and was an awesome broadcaster. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to here that great voice again (not counting the internet). RIP

Tom Watson is golf’s John McCain. They both are the green home type. Except McCain is like 13 years older. Watson is on the exact same course he was on 32 years ago on that historic win against Jack Nicklaus. Now Watson is in a tie with Lee Westwood in the final round.

W.A.R.S.L

Update: 2:52 pm: The elderly have been denied. Lee Westwood had his chance to win lost in the end. Shortly after that, Watson and Stewart Cink went into a playoff, just like this year’s Masters tournament with Angel Cabrera, Kenny Perry and Chad Campbell. Tom Watson gagged on a 9-foot putt on the 72nd hole of the British Open, as the 35-year old Cink rejected the 59-year old Watson’s chance of becoming the oldest player to win a major tournament.

Zac Attack

2009-07-17T10:24:00.000-04:00

Zac Sunderland’s voyage has finally been completed. Yesterday morning the 17-year old California teenager became the youngest person to sail solo all around the world. Sunderland fended off hunger, pirates off the coast of Indonesia, sea storms and fatigue. His 36-foot sailboat, the Intrepid, first sailed off the shore of Marina del Rey on June 14, 2008, at the age of 16. Some of his friends were still preparing for their learner’s permit when Sunderland left. Then he endured his 27,500-mile journey from then on. Zac’s perseverance through his feat is just what America needed for a boost. That wasn’t a failure that was an ace. How ironic is it that Zac Sunderland became the youngest person to sail solo all around the world exactly 40 years after Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. Those are great examples of patriotism and leadership. Now there’s bad news and good news. The bad news is that there are still failures going on that I’m going to talk about. The good news is that the president of D.E.F, Zach Lowy will be here to show and tell all the possible solutions for the failures. Congratulations, Zac.
O.K now here are some monumental fails: 10 climbers just died on two Japanese mountains, now here is how to prevent that: stay in your home for the rest of your life. Two people died on the construction for Madonna concerts in Marseilles, France: first of all, never listen to any Madonna she will give you nightmares and migraines. Just like Amy Winehouse. Second of all, never go to France, especially Paris. Too much crime. Don’t get lured in by their elegant cheeses and chocolates. You have that at your local Giant or 7-eleven. Or if you’re desperate you could go to a French restaurant or Las Vegas. The last fail is about a gunman dressed as a priest who sparked a shootout around 5 A.M. yesterday in Jersey City, N.J. 5 police officers were wounded, 2 were severely injured, and the gunman and another suspect were killed. Here’s your antidote for that situation: don’t wake up or go on the streets at 5 A.M.
Well, it’s been 40 years since the Apollo 11 mission, when Neil Armstrong became the first man to say; “the eagle has landed” and step on the moon, and Buzz Aldrin became the second man to step on the moon (people sometimes or always forget about him). Look what’s happened in the solar system since then. Astronauts started construction on the moon, Pluto got fired, Fly me to the moon and Space Chimps came out on DVD, and NASA is constructing another plan to go to the moon again.
T.A.T.G.O.I.T.W.L (type about things going on in the world later)

Epic Failures

2009-07-12T20:32:00.000-04:00

Many failures are occurring in commonly Honduras, Iran and Afghanistan. But an EPIC FAILURE could be happening in your community. A squirrel’s head stuck in a plastic cup, a bear wimping out of a food raid in a house in California because an 86-year old man barked at the bear. And my favorite one, a teenager texting on her cell phone, falling into an open manhole, which leaded to a hairy situation. The teenager then fell into the sewer and is now planning to sue. The epic part about it was the construction workers went to get cones as a caution signal. That’s why I’m creating D.E.F, a program to end epic failures, (don’t epicly fail). See my thinking is what Obama needs in his administration. Not converting all the remaining decent American cars into biodiesel. So contribute to D.E.F !!! Wait, I forgot a major failure: Sarah Palin.
Steve Mcnair has a restaurant made after his number, Gridiron 9, and Michael Jackson gets nothing. Just a sappy cry from his daughter, Paris. That is disappointing.
D.F.I.A.P.W. (don’t fail in any possible way).

Desperate Alaskan Spaz

2009-07-05T11:00:00.000-04:00

Let me mentally dissect Sarah Palin and come clear. Palin has the definite voice of Hitler and the brain of George W. Bush. Right after she humiliates herself in front of America in the election, she decides to resign her reign as an Alaskan governor. I know I sound like a pessimistic politician, but this is the way everybody feels. Now let me burst the evidence: Sarah Palin went to the same hospital that her daughter Bristol was, heard that her waters broke, and decides to still fly halfway across the country to deliver a speech if she even was pregnant. Not even Sarah Palin would be stupid enough to do that. And Bristol’s first infant, Trigg, now has Down syndrome. This is more aggravating then the 2000 election. At least Sean Parnell is taking over. Now for the last time, Trigg is Bristol’s baby!
Ex-quarterback Steve Mcnair was shot last night. Mcnair took the Tennessee Titans to the Super Bowl in 2000 in a 23-16 loss to the St. Louis Rams.
A 15-year-old South Carolina girl named Abby Tyler, who was shot earlier this week, was just proclaimed dead. Her 48-year-old father was shot too, and died. Three other bodies were found dead, and the FBI proclaimed that there is a serial killer in South Carolina.
W.A.R.S.L

Bernie's Inferno

2009-07-04T11:55:00.002-04:00

Bernie Madoff is finally in jail! Madoff got sentenced on Monday as a consequence of the terrible greed that he showed by investing an approximate 65 billion virtually. His Wall Street horror film that he directed, is so jarring that he was sentenced to 15 decades in solitary confinement, which unless he’s a contemporary Methuselah, he will kick the bucket behind bars. Madoff was a gluttonous adult even though he served for the head of Nasdaq, the second largest trading exchange industry. His Ponzi scheme was the most infamous work of cunningness ever. A judge called for the penalty of 171 billion in his savings, including a 2.2 million yacht and estates in Palm Beach and Montauk, N.Y. Madoff’s story shows that you can’t run away from life. That is, unless you’re Osama Bin Laden.

Serena Williams just beat Venus Williams in another Wimbledon final with sibling rivalry, 7-6, 6-2. But that’s not what’s catching people’s attention. Because there’s an unknown life form in the North Carolina sewer. Because there’s a rumor that “The E.ND” will be the Black-eyed peas last album. Because Sarah Palin resigned in office. Because Hitler’s grandson is plotting revenge and will revolt in October! I’m just kidding.

Peace out!

MJ is gone

2009-06-27T10:55:00.000-04:00

The years have gone by, one by one. Ladies and gentleman, the king of pop is dead. At first I thought it was a rumor (who wouldn’t, the man’s only 50) but then I saw it on Fox 5, and then I knew it was true. Finally. All of those days of seeing that person on tabloids at the supermarket and thinking, is that a man or a woman? Oh wait, that’s Michael Jackson. But I personally think it was stupid of him to leave The Jackson 5. They were really in sync. At the pinnacle of his career, in a Pepsi commercial, Michael Jackson burned his hair in which fireworks erupted, and the sparks caught on to his hair and burned his hair. It is said that Jackson had a combination of two rare skin diseases, Vitiligo and Lupus. Vitiligo is a disorder, which happens when melanin is no longer produced in skin cells. Lupus is an autoimmune disease. But overall, Michael Jackson had plenty of talent. I still think that the Thriller album will still keep that record for a long 8 years, and will still be in the top 5 for best-selling albums 20 years from now. And the king of pop now is definitely Sean Kingston. But he had an autopsy, and now he’s dead. RIP

Shaquille O’Neal is headed to Cleveland, trying to be Lebron’s “Big Sidekick”. But I still think that Lebron is going to New York, sadly.

BRB

Twitter revolution

2009-06-23T21:30:00.000-04:00

What is it about Twitter? It’s like Facebook is popular for one year then a whole new virtual communication system takes over. Maybe it’s because Twitter is actually resourceful. But what disturbs me the most about Twitter is young Iranian adults are using Twitter, Youtube and other American websites are being used for protest against their rigged election. What happened to independence? What happened to this land is MY land? Let me ask one question: how could they do that to us? Did the French copy the Swiss after Switzerland started making watches? No. Did Greece copy Italy when Italy made pizza? No. So why does Iran copy AMERICA’S useful and virtual idea of texting with free Internet access and uploading videos. Well this cerebral war is not over yet, Iran!

Back to things that aren’t depressing, Venus Williams is back on top again in the Wimbledon Open! By demolishing a 19-year old Swiss newcomer named Stefanie Voegele, Williams will play Dinara Safina in the next round. Andy Murray won and will play 20-year old Latvian Ernests Gulbis.

Chris Brown pled guilty for assault against Rihanna in court, which means no jail time but a trial. That is obviously the smart and mature thing to do, and he will regain at least half of his fans by the time he gets out of jail.

W.A.R.S.L (write about random stuff later).

Lefty's Loss

2009-06-22T20:58:00.000-04:00

Let me ask everybody who’s reading this something: has anyone ever heard of Lucas Glover? See at first in yesterday’s final round of the U.S Open, Phil Mickelson had it all under control, right? Wrong. See Mickelson bogeyed a bunch of strokes, and missed 3 footer and 6 footer in the end of the game! And now he has a record 5 times being runner-up at the U.S Open, and 4 out of those 5 times he was in the lead late in the tournament. His official nickname is now Phil the choker. But I’ve got to admit the U.S Open is by far the hardest course. But it’s now over and I should probably move on unless I want to be one of those directors that just direct sport documentaries.

I heard that the Dow Jones average dropped 200 points. Doesn’t impress me. My rating for the 100% Angus beef Steakhouse burger from Burger King dropped 2,000 points after the top of the burger was apparently “ burnt”, which in my perspective, is unacceptable.

2 D.C Metro trains just collided, and at least 6 people were confirmed dead. 9 people were injured, and 42 people were taken to the hospital. First the Holocaust shooting and now this. Epic failure. For more details of this tragic event check on CNN.com.

C U L8r

Update ( 7:52 AM Tuesday): 9 people killed, 72 treated for injuries.

The Mosquito Massacre

2009-06-21T09:56:00.000-04:00

Hey! Guess what! Yesterday I just succeeded in one of the most amazing feats in the world: killing a mosquito. Now I can rest in peace. At a pace of 1 to 1.5 mph, mosquitoes fly at a tremendous velocity, making it even harder for people to swat. Every summer I have despised those mischievous pests and I have finally killed one of those diabolical vexations.

You know, I can’t wait to go to this awesome camp called Sports Zone. The counselors are so nice. Last year someone prank-called 911, and got away with it!

And in the U.S Open, if Tiger Woods could’ve gotten a spot after noon, this would’ve been a bigger blowout then last year’s election. And now this guy named Ricky Barnes is in the lead.

Back to blood-sucking nuisances, I think that Obama should form a team dedicated to exterminating those annoyances. Now I know you’re thinking we already have S.W.A.T. Teams, Edison, but consider this: a team dedicated to JUST killing mosquitoes (no environmentally-harmful pesticides will be used in the process). Think about it.

Did you hear that Tim Donaghy was attacked by his fellow inmate at a slammer in Pensacola? This inmate clubbed him and he has to get leg surgery. I guess nobody gets away with supplying betters with confidential info. And to think this happening right before he’s getting released to his house in Tampa!

BRB

The Z Column

2009-06-20T10:46:00.002-04:00

Hey, que pasa? You're probably wondering why I'm writing a column. Guess what? My dad made me write this.

A lot of bad things have been going on aside from my unreasonable punishment. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won a rigged election.

Adam Lambert lost to Kris Allen in "American Idol" just because he's gay.

The economy is so downright pitiful that it's not even an economy anymore. It's a bunch of unpaid mortgages and bills.

And Obama has epically failed to replenish the economy and is now trying to make the school day and year longer.

But this punishment that my dad is making me do is stupider than when Hitler made Volkswagens.

So I was going to start up a petition against this adolescent form of quarantine. But then I realized three things:

1) There aren't as much people in my community to start a real petition.

2) Most people in my area are on vacation.

3) I'm too lazy to do that kind of labor.

So anyway, I think Phil Jackson will retire some day in the middle of July, and the Laker Dream will die.

And too bad that the new Honda Accord is worse than a used Silverado.

The same thing is happening with the new Ford Mustang.

Well anyway, gotta roll.

PEACE!